If it kills me
by drarrylicious
Summary: Darren/Lauren, AU. Meeting her was a mistake, worrying about her was a mistake, falling in love with her was a mistake. The question is, were they a mistake both were ready to make?
1. Part I: Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! I just got the courage to put this story up in english, so I'd like to make some warnings before you read! First of all, it's alternative universe so they don't know each other at first. Second of all, the characters have habits, works, and make things that the real people would EVER do. I don't want anyone to get offended by this, so you have to kwow this is all going just in my head. The people who are "bad" in my story, they are puppies in real life. **

**The story contains 3 parts, every part cointains their chapters as well, and they migh be really short or really long. Every chapter is named by a song, you can listen to it before/after reading the chapter, or while you're reading it, or you can don't listen them as well. **

**Warning: Lots lots lots of smut, grammar errors, adult stuff, cursing, drugs, orgies kinky satanic stuff and all the bad things you can think of.**

**Don't judge I'm creepy but a good person, and if you want to let me a review hey no problem. **

**Song: Where did you sleep last night - Nirvana (link on youtube /watch?v=mcXYz0gtJeM )**

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**Part I**

**I. Where did you sleep last night**

Her toes were frozen. This winter was really wreaking havoc in her routine. She stood up of that frozen seat, and shuffling, directed her steps toward the edge of the cells. She took the cells with her hands and rested the weight of her body against those barriers. She felt that in any instant, the heel of her shoes would yield, so she winced.

The policeman snorted, sitting comfortably in his desk, seeing how she was looking at him. It was always the same thing.

"Have a cigar?" Her voice was hoarse, it didn't seemed to coordinate with her body, but she had spent several hours without a single drop of water.

The Commissioner approached the woman and shared with her a cigar that he took from the package of his pocket. Without saying a word, he walked away and returned to his desktop. Luckily, she was the only one locked in that night, so there's no problem in talking to the police.

It was after ten o'clock at night and the fog clouded the window glass, the cold seemed detached from the soil and the silence became every moment more disturbing. Lauren took a lighter from the pocket of her leather jacket and lit the cigar. She returned to her frozen seat, and rubbed her legs one against each other trying to generate a little heat. She vehemently inhaled the cigarette, dancing between her fingers, feeling the nicotine sneaking slowly into her system. Actually, she didn't like smoking, but she had to entertain herself with something or otherwise she would end up insane. She watched the rest of the cell block completely empty, and the image was a little bit uncomfortable, but she didn't show it. She simply closed her eyes, as she whiffed of her cigar.


	2. Part I: Chapter 2

**A/N: All the bad people in my story are puppies in real life. If you review Darren Criss will appear naked in your bed I promise it's 100% true.**

**Song: Somebody that I used to know (in youtube /watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY )**

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**II. Somebody That You Used To Know**

"Come on, just a drink" he said.

"I'm not in the mood, really, Brian" Darren interrupted him, a little short-spoken.

Brian grimaced with his lips, as he drank the shot of tequila that had been rejected by his friend. Since he had been carrying a single life, the truth is that Darren wasn't in the mood for anything. They had never been great Casanovas, but they enjoyed going out for a drink occasionally and flirting with some girls just for fun. But since the incident had occurred just a few weeks ago, he didn't seem to leave his room. He didn't smile once more, and Brian felt that from that moment, he built a wall between himself and the others. He really began to worry about him, since he didn't know which technique to use to break that wall.

"Can you pay the bill for me? I have some things to do" Darren snarled, leaving on the restaurant's table a few bills, his eyes swayed a little side to side, as he pulled up his jacket and left the seat.

"A Saturday night?" Brian said, raising his eyebrows. It was a lie. He would lock himself in his nest of mentally self-mutilation.

Darren didn't decide to even give an excuse, and just hesitated a "goodbye" as he left the restaurant. He climbed into his car and all the way back home, the same overwhelming thought bounced in his head.

_Your girlfriend and your best friend._

Countless times since he had discovered that deception, he promised to himself he wouldn't let it affect him that way. He would concentrate on more important duties: in his work, in his music, his life; but it was a more impossible task as the days passed. Brian had noticed it (who didn't?), and he knew that his constant invitations to events, parties or calls were only to help; but he felt panic every time he thought of the idea of continuing with his life. He wanted to, but the idea frightened him at once. He was weak.

Darren left the car and entered in the house, which was silent and almost completely dark, as usual since Mia wasn't there. He took the guitar that was leaned against the wall of his room and sat on the edge of the bed. With his left hand stroked the neck of the guitar and with the other one rubbed gently the strings, barely touching them. He didn't dare to rip a single chord.

Not since Mia had left his life. Not since he decided to come home early from work and found her legs tangled as presses on the face of the friend that he believed from the same soul. He shook his head trying to collect his thoughts; he wasn't surprised to feel a cold sweat running slowly down the side of his forehead. He snorted in frustration, and almost banging, he left the guitar again aside. His hands clasped between his curly hair, squeezing it, and he closed his eyes.

_Your girlfriend and your best friend._

What made him think, once, that it was one of those craps that would last "forever"? Now he was only weak, unable to cope to his own life, pathetic. And she, just someone who he might have ever known.


	3. Part I: Chapter 3

**A/N: this is the song. remember the people in real life ARE NOT like I portray them!**

**Son: Stand in the Rain - Superchick (In youtube /watch?v=aZkd91HXng4 )**

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**III. Stand in the Rain**

She dropped the cigarette on the ground; and stepped on the tip of her shoe to put out the flame. Lauren put her hand in her stomach, she felt like she was going to get sick. She leaned her back against the frozen wall, and allowed her eyes to lose a moment in the vacuum. She heard the sound of the cells sliding sideways, and she turned her gaze to the commissioner, who was watching her from there with a preachy looking; but she knew that was a good signal.

"Once again, Lauren, and you know what will happen, right?"

She nodded immediately, standing up. Of course she was aware of the facts: they let her became free for the moment, but she was caught again on the streets and she could fall on a sentence of years. She couldn't prevent that a nuisance was installed in her throat when she heard this statement, but she didn't make a comment. The police escorted her to the door of the station.

"Thank you" Lauren said. She knew she should be on the way to prison at the time, but somehow she managed to fix things up. For now.

"Take care of yourself, will you?" the man said. She nodded again (what else could she do?) and put her hands in her pockets, walking away. It was late at night, the streets were almost deserted and a light mist was rising from the sewers of Chicago.

Along the way she ignored any comment made by a homeless man, or the whistles and shouts of a bunch of drunken guys in a corner. She had enough for that night, she didn't need another problem. She walked for about twenty minutes, but that didn't mind her, she needed to clear her mind a bit, clean the environment that had left on her the police cell.

She reached the threshold of her house, and started to look for the keys in her jacket. It wasn't really a nice house, either outside or inside, but they managed to make it through somehow. She felt something brushing her legs, and smiled to see Bubba meowing at her affectionately. It was the neighbor's cat, but it usually spent most of the time on Lauren's driveway, waiting for her to arrive and leave them something to eat. She stroked Bubba's neck with her fingers for a few seconds, what so responded with a soft purr; and then she opened the front door.

She took off her jacket and placed it on the dining table. Joe was sitting on the couch, drinking beer and enjoying a football game with the television blaring.

"Could you please lower that a little bit?" Lauren replied, hinting with her tone of voice that she wasn't in a good day. Joe lowered the volume a little bit but not much.

"Why did you return so early?" He asked, barely turning his head towards her.

"I was in prison" she said dryly, making her way to the bedroom. She started coughing as soon as she stepped into the room. The smoke was unbearable. "Goddammit, Joe! What were you smoking in here?" He just raised his eyebrows.

"You were caught in the street? And they let you go?" he said, followed by a snort. Lauren sat on the edge of the bed and took off her shoes, exhaling suddenly; her feet were badly swollen.

"I came out with an agreement with the commissioner."

Joe let out a laugh this time, strong enough for her to hear it from the other room.

"It's not what you think!" she yelled, irritated, while she started to change her clothes. At that time she just wanted to go to bed. She didn't feel good.

As she put a more comfortable shirt, Joe's figure appeared in the doorway of the bedroom. He still had a beer in hand, but his confidence face let her know that he was going to say something serious. The good thing was that he didn't get drunk too easily; due he was used to drink constantly, so she could trust the credibility of his words.

"I was thinking about that issue today. I think it's better for you to stop going out on the streets."

"What do you mean?"

"We can arrange the business by telephone. We disperse my number, they give me their address and I'll communicate it to you. After you fuck them you ask for the money, and if they refuse to pay, then let me know and I'll fix the issue. It's better that way, it is increasingly impossible to deal with these fucking cops."

Lauren nodded her head as she lay in the bed and covered her body with blankets. She coughed again due to smoke. Actually she couldn't assimilate very well what her partner was saying, but it sounded reasonable and she was too sick to argue. The discomfort in her throat had spread throughout her chest and it seemed to have settled in there. She was scared, she needed a comfort, but she knew that was something that Joe couldn't give to her.


	4. Part I: Chapter 4

**A/N: I was like 100% percent for sure I would stop publishing because it was so sad to have 4 chapters and 2 reviews omg but well you only live once so I'm here again and idk who I'm talking to so yeah I'll shut up**

**WARNING: SMUT!**

**Song: Stranger - Seconhand Serenade (on youtube /watch?v=tT7lQp-ZnBg )**

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**IV. Stranger**

Darren finished his chord of saving the dinner's leftovers in the fridge; throwing a yawn. It was probably more than ten at night, but he didn't used to go to bed too late, because he worked in an office from the morning until past midday. He was about to go to bed when his phone started ringing.

"Enjoying the Fortress of Solitude?" a voice mocked across the phone.

"Fuck you, Brian."

"Oh, wow, rude boy" his friend replied, even more mockingly.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing special, just warn you that I decided to send you a gift."

"What?" he asked, worried.

"Like this thing of unleashing the situation is badly failing, I think it's the best to give a boost to the matter, don't you think?"

"I would appreciate if you speak in English." interjected Darren, confused but starting to believe this didn't indicate anything good.

"Let's just say I took care to send you someone to cheer up your mood a bit, okay?"

"What do you mean cheer up my mood? What did you do?" Darren had already risen up the volume of his voice. Yes, definitely it wasn't anything good.

"You have a little girlfriend tonight."

_Shit._

"What the hell did you do, Brian? Did you send me a stripper...?"

"Better yet."

"Shit." He cursed. It was even worse than what he thought. Only Brian.

"You didn't dare to... No, please tell me you didn't do what I think."

"Premium Goods, Darren, you can be sure. You don't need to be scared."

"You are an asshole! Cancel it now!" Now definitely his voice had reached an alarming level. Brian didn't reply instantly, he expected that reaction from his friend, but he just felt it was something he had to do.

"Have a nice ride! Kisses!" Brian cruelly sneered, before hanging up, leaving Darren insulting to the air. He was about to call him back to solve this tremendous blunder that had made, when he heard the sound of a knock at the door.

Shit.

He grabbed his hair in a sign of nervousness, while he still mentally cursing the day that he decided to talk to Brian at college seemed a good idea. He approached the door and hesitated a few seconds with the hand on the doorknob. Perhaps it would be the best to pretend there was nobody in the house, and when he just began to think it seemed like a good idea...

"I know you're in there."

_Holy shit._

He didn't expect her to talk. That took him so unexpected, that it caused on him a reflex and he pulled the door handle. However, he only opened the front door enough to stick his head out. He was surprised about how small looked the girl that Brian sent to him, and cursed inwardly even more. Is that even legal? He didn't know if it was legal even on grown up people. How old was she, like eighteen? Darren seemed to overcome her at least 6 years, so he went for eighteen. The appearance of the girl hinted her profession, but not too much. She was wearing a leather jacket, a tight tank top underneath, shorts and high heels; her hair was brown, and it was tied in a ponytail and her appearance was impressive enough to not open the door but not too intimidating to surreptitiously dial 911 on his phone.

"Sorry," Darren apologized, before she could speak "but this all of this is a big misunderstanding. I don't ... sorry, I think it's the best if you leave. I don't usually attend, no... I don't do these things, you know? No offense, I mean..." The words tangled on his tongue. To his surprise, all she did was let out a smile, sheepishly.

"Have a glass of water?" she asked, ignoring his stuttering. Darren didn't know how to take that, and he stayed just there a few seconds with no response; so she added, in case he didn't understand her words 'I'm thirsty.'

"S-sure." He replied, stumbling over his own spit.

Finally he ended up opening the door and leaving her in; she realized the limits of the circumstances and she didn't go much further than the door. Darren went to the refrigerator and began to serve a glass of water, while on his head re calculating that surreal situation. He was inviting a glass of water to a prostitute in his own home? From the counter he offered his hand to her to catch the glass of water, not moving from there; so she had to walk a few steps to get it. Her heels rambled against the floor as she went through. She made again that same shy smile, probably caused by the fact that Darren seemed to be afraid of her: he didn't approach her and avoided at all costs to look straight at her in the eye, even though she had respected his space and she had remained on the other side of the counter. She had a nice body and she seemed to be a gymnast or dancer; she was attractive to the eye despite the circumstances.

"Your friend warned me this would happen" Lauren said, shrugging. Her voice was pitched and that continued persuading him she was no more than eighteen years old. Darren let out a nervous laugh.

"Look, this is not ..." he began, resting his arms on the counter "I'm going through a difficult situation, that's all. Brian thought I needed to relax a little, but let's say that Brian doesn't know nothing about anything. I apologize for this misunderstanding."

"Did she cheated on you or you cheated on her?"

Darren's breath went away. He stared at her for a few seconds. She was a stranger, but she had a look on her eyes, like if she was an old friend.

"How do you know...?"

"It's not the first time that I see that look," she said, coming across the counter to the other side, slowly enough so that Darren didn't stepped back. Those kinds of persons always thought they were the only ones who were cheated on, but the world was filled with them.

'She.'

"If I may say, I think you worry too much," Lauren said, leaning her arms on the counter and getting to look at him to the eyes "Breakups hurt, but it's not necessary to think that much about it. Not everything has to mean so much, not all actions have to be necessarily related to your feelings. I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but maybe you should give full play to the situation, but not in the sense you're doing. Stop thinking a bit, you know?"

"I wish it could be that easy" Darren snarled, walking away from her and turning back so he wouldn't have to look at her, but not because he was angry (like it should be having in mind that a strange women was giving him a a preach in his own house), but because her words had a lot of sense. She nodded slowly.

"Close your eyes" Lauren ordered, but she enunciated it so gently that it hardly seemed an order. She approached Darren, he was still giving the back to her; and she was right behind him, he could almost hear her voice on his ear. He didn't know why (after all, he shouldn't), but he obeyed.

Deprived of the gift of sight, he could only hear the heels of that girl indicating that she was moving in front of him. Seconds that seemed like hours before he could have an overwhelmingly idea of what was going on. Lauren touched him on the sides of his face with her fingertips, slowly, incredibly softly, but making sure he felt the touch of her skin; like if she was checking if he was actually made of skin and bones. Without removing her hand from his face, she put her lips on his and gently kissed the edge of his upper lip.

"What are you ...?" He asked, puzzled (but without moving), but she interrupted him.

"Don't think. Just don't do it." She muttered.

She returned into the kiss, this time with more emphasis. She was surprised to feel like Darren's lips began to respond. She ran both hands to his jaws, allowing deepening the kiss; and he seemed to be unsure of where to place his own hands, so Lauren lead them to her waist. She played with the shape of his lips, so daring that Darren was staggering slightly in his place. At one point, the young man opened his lips just a little, and Lauren took it as a sign to let slip her tongue in. She clasped her hands through his hair as she let out a moan. He didn't know exactly when, but the atmosphere had become quite hot. Their breathing had accelerated, and the milliseconds in which they stopped from make out to breathe some air, Lauren had taken advantage of it to get closer and closer, and at that time she was certainly rubbing herself against him. Darren wanted to say that he wished kicked her out as she requested a glass of water, but at that time he was unable to criticize anything.

"Do you have a bed in this beautiful house or something?" Lauren whispered, her lips apart just enough to talk. He nodded, took her hand and they went to his room. If the Logical-Darren would have seen the new Obey-the-hooker-Darren doing that, he would definitely have beaten him in the face.

"Do you... do you have a name?" he asked timidly, when they went through the door of his room.

"Whatever you want to call me." she answered softly, removing her leather jacket and throwing it to the floor, before going back to the kiss.

She had rushed so fiercely on Darren he lost his balance; and both fell on the bed. Lauren grabbed his neck with both hands, and she positioned her legs to the sides of his hips. Her lips went down trough his neck, where she drew doodles with her tongue. Then she looked into his eyes for a moment, this was something that she didn't use to do, it was very clear what you should and should not do with your clients. For some reason, she forgot that. In an attempt to retake the control of the situation, she took the bottom of his shirt and forced him to remove it. He did the same with her tight tank top and shorts. Lauren continued grinding with her legs around him, and was a matter of seconds that she felt his erection growing gradually into his pants. She left out a loud groan, and a hand slipped from his back to his stomach, and went slowly and mischievously in his underpants. Darren's breathing instantly shot, and he girded his hands tightly around the girl's thighs.

'Do you like that?' Lauren asked on his ear. Her breathing was also accelerated.

'Don't stop…' he begged, closing his eyes again. The friction of her skin against his was so fucking great at that time. He needed more. He took off her bra, and used this movement to get even closer to her and bit her earlobe. Lauren replied with a groan, for now; but it didn't take too long to push him with a fierce that Darren didn't know she had, so he fall completely flat on the bed. She moved on top of him, while quietly taking the underwear of both of them. Then she kissed him again, this time slowly, and her hands looked for his, intertwining them. Lauren looked the body of the man at her mercy, and smiled, commenting as the speaker of the forecast:

'You sweat a lot.'

'Is that good or bad?'

'It's a comment' she said.

'Well, you have beautiful legs, then' he said smiling; feeling like it was social protocol to return the compliment.

'Do you think? Then just imagine how they would look over your shoulders.'

This was too much for Darren, who brought his arms around her back and turned Lauren to the bed, so now he was on top. This time it was him who initiated the kiss, so passionate, his lips almost crashed into hers, as he slipped quickly inside. Lauren bit Darren's lips at the time, while her nails were digging as pegs on the back of the boy, who began to move in a swinging glory. His thrusts were delirious, almost infernal, didn't seem to be from the same boy who stuttered trying to tell her to go the hell out of his house. The mutual sweat merging with each thrust, the groans and the incongruous words that were confused with each other, the spasms that attacked them as reflecting the more increased the speed; undoubtedly one of them would lose their head one minute to another.

Lauren began to feel a tickle in her feet and she knew the time was approaching. That wasn't something that happened with all of her clients, actually almost none, but she didn't feel like it was important. Like a wave, began to rise from far below in her body, and increased gradually to become on deafening spasms of pleasure. Her moans became screams, and she knew that Darren was coming too, because he clasped her tightly in his arms, his chest shaking, his face disfigured in an expression of undoubted climax. They didn't move for several minutes, leaving the spasms to cease and return to their regulated breathing.

"Do you have to go now?" Darren asked, leaning beside her, very very close to her; but holding one of her hands, which continued intertwined from the beginning. At last his voice sounded normal again, but she could see a hint of pleading on it.

"I guess I can stay a while" Lauren said, covering them both with one of the sheets that were at the bedside.

That was something that Lauren had never done before with any of their clients, she had never stayed to sleep or anything like that. It was a sort of unspoken rule simply not done. But she thought it wasn't important, she didn't think that Darren, perhaps, would be an exception to more than one of all her rules.


	5. Part I: Chapter 5

**A/N: welp it's been a while...**

**Song: Por verte otra vez - Natalia Oreiro (on youtube /watch?v=mZn-Di2_06o , email me if you want to read a translation!)**

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**V. To see you again**

Lauren shifted a little between the sheets, feeling a breeze running down her arms. She was too comfortable; she felt that she had slept for days. She cuddled a little bit more in the bed and felt a warm breath against her face. It was only then when she recognized where she was, and the chest of the person which she was lying against to. Darren was apparently asleep, and one of his hands was around her waist, grabbing her tightly. She instantly got scared in a terrible way. She had to recap all the events of the night before to understanding why she was in that situation, although she didn't totally understand. That had never happened. No way. Why did she spend the night there? Why was his bed comfortable? Why was she curled up on the chest of a man who she didn't even know?

She slowly slipped out from Darren's arms, trying to not wake him up. She got out of the bed, sat up and began to dress; she was shaking. She didn't understand what just happened. She didn't really want to leave, but neither wanted to stay; she had been lucky because it was his friend who should pay her and not Darren. She should raise the bill because she spent the night there? God, it was a really complicated situation. She wasn't able to accept money for that night, not really. She opened the front door once she was on her tank top and shorts; and cursed inwardly, the sun had risen. In front of the house was a small shop of Forever 21, but was still closed, it shouldn't be a lot later than dawn. She wondered if Joe was worried because she didn't return to the house last night, although it wasn't possible for him to be too worried, knowing the address she was and he didn't even go to look up for her. She was about to enter again in the house when she glanced sideways and saw that Darren was waking up, but he didn't saw her yet, she cursed and slammed the door, staying out of the house. She didn't want to see him, she didn't want to talk to him, what could she said? She was totally bewildered. She looked at both sides of the street, for some reason, and with brisk (almost jogging) she retraced her steps, moving quickly from there.

Darren shook his head as he heard the slam of the front door. If he had been more aware he might had run after her, but for a few seconds he wasn't sure about what happened. The affair of the night before had acted on both of them like a drunkenness, it was incredible but left them wasted, confused and even frightened. He took his time to remember the last hours, when his phone vibrated on his bedside table.

"Hello?"

"Good morning, Casanova!", Replied the voice on the phone with a skeptical and charismatic tone at the same time 'How did you spend the night?'

"Brian...I need ...I need to know her name" Darren said, the tone of his voice indicated that he wasn't kidding.

"What?"

"I need to know the name of the girl who you sent me."

"What for?" Interjected his friend, it wasn't fun anymore.

"Please, Brian." He insisted, getting out of the bed and getting dressed, but he didn't hang up. It could have been that he wasn't thinking or was thinking very clearly, but the point is that he was determined to find that girl again.

"My God, Darren. You didn't understand at all the purpose of what I tried to do. It's just a woman, she doesn't mean anything!"

"She's not just a woman" he interjected, disgusted, walking around the room "You don't understand. Listen..."

"No," Brian cut him, and it was the first time he heard him so angry "You listen to me. It doesn't matter, Darren. Don't obsess over her, don't do this again. You cannot-" Darren had already cut the phone. Actually he wasn't listening. Something caught his attention: in the door of the bedroom, on the ground, was the girl's jacket. He stooped to take it and instantly a distinctive fragrance penetrated his nostrils; and a flash of images, sensations and sounds buzzed in his brain, reminding everything that had happened the night before. He remembered the feel of her lips against his, the bellows she was rambling when both reached the climax, the way she twisted of pleasure in his arms...

He checked the pockets and pulled out a lighter and an identification, it was hers, but the picture seemed to have been taken some time ago, she looked beautiful but really sad, which he had believed were opposite adjectives. He was surprised when he saw her date of birth, she was twenty-four like him; that enormously reassured him, although she didn't look like so. He found her address listed, and he didn't know if that was a good or bad time to start thinking twice his actions. One thing was certain: he desired, wanted, _needed _her again. He stroked the coat in his hands, never imagining that perhaps she wasn't so eager to see him.


	6. Part I: Chapter 6

**A/N: hi hi hi so i'm here again and I know no one reads this but still I'm planning to upload some chapters one through another**

**Song: You found me - Kelly Clarkson (on youtube /watch?v=e13ny_m7sAQ )**

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**VI. You found me**

Lauren counted the bills in her fingers, while the cashier slowly packed the food she had requested in a bag. She bit her nails; impatient at the apparent unconcern of the woman behind the cash machine, and the varnish in her nails ran down.

"How is Joe?" the cashier asked, directing an unexpected cautiously look at the girl.

"Uhm..." Lauren stammered in reply, she didn't know what she meant. She visited the mall very often, so she knew who she was, but she has never been asked anything about her or her partner. "He's at home."

The woman nodded, raising her eyebrows, and she finished packing the food, leaving Lauren with a strange feeling. She handed the money, trying to get out of there as soon as possible, and smiled as she took the bag and left the mall. She heard whispers in a corner as she left, but ignored them.

She left a piece of meat that she bought extra for Bubba in the door, and entered in the house. She put the burgers on the counter and set the table for dinner. The night had fallen a few hours ago, and she didn't have clients that day, so she wanted to go to bed early, get some rest. Her life wasn't busy, but absolutely not pleasant. Just when she thought he definitely wouldn't come home, the door opened. Joe came in with a cigarette on his mouth, paying no attention to her, just nodded his head as his way of greeting. She didn't respond to that face.

"Where were you?" Lauren asked, he had left at noon and she knew he had no money with him.

"At Dylan's, playing poker. As usual." Replied dismissively, and taking one of the burgers, as he sat on the table. Lauren continued scrutinizing, stood up, arms crossed, her expression unchanged.

"Don't lie to me."

"Stop torturing me, woman" he simply respond, as he opened the beer that was on the table and sipped a drink. Lauren didn't move; she was mad, but she remained secure of her thoughts.

"You were with another woman."

"All I ask," Joe interjected, raising his voice, staring at the tablecloth on the well-tended table, as if in this way he would contain his rage "is to get home and relax a little, is that too much? You can't leave me alone a few minutes?"

"Who were you with?" She also had raised her voice. He wasn't at Dylan's house at that time, never. She knew that. She'll be probably the last one to know of his affairs, that's why that cashier acted so strange, she knew. "Joe!"

He left half of his burger on the plate, and jumped up, the chair creaked in a terrifying noise, surprising her, her body even swayed slightly back. Joe took the bottle of beer and, without even look at her, he slipped to the back door, probably to finish his beer on the yard, but Lauren heard him whispering:

"You don't want to know."

She remained there, almost completely motionless, the only move she did was to close her eyes slowly. She wanted to mourn, but wasn't sure if the reason was anger or sadness. Someone knocked on the door but she didn't go to open. The last thing she needed was to have one of Joe's fool friends at home. They appear several nights a week, they stayed to play poker in the dining room and fill the house with the smell of cigarette; the next day Lauren would have to open all doors and windows for the smells to leave the rooms. She cleaned with the tips of her fingers a couple of tears that fell from her eyes, and someone knocked again. She cursed and walked angrily to open the door; ready to yell fiercely to whomever who has the audacity to appear at her house. But the figure she found in front of her left her stunned. Two bright familiar eyes watched her quite a few feet in front of her.

"Darren?" she asked in a broken voice. It was the first time she was saying his name. Last night she knew it, but hadn't thought necessary to say it. Now she had been taken by surprise.

"... Lauren, right?" He answered with another question. The tone of his voice was friendly, like a neighbor who gives you a welcome to the neighborhood.

"How do you...?" She began, confused, but he showed her the coat in his hands. Things had a little more sense in her head then. Sure, inside of the coat was her identification. How stupid! How could she have forgotten her coat?

"I just came to return it to you." Darren said. He really had no clear intentions to why he arrived at the girl's house, but seeing the look on her face he decided to shorten the situation as possible. He had regretted having gone there. She had tears in her eyes and seemed confused, scared, all the opposite of what he had seen on the girl the night before, the girl who had seduced him until she made love to him. He wanted to take her hand, asking what was wrong and, perhaps, let her cry on his shoulder. But he didn't. Lauren turned her head back inside the house, looking inside, worried.

Finally she whispered a "thank you", while taking the coat. She wasn't paying attention and accidentally touched his fingers. They were warm in comparison to hers. They kept the contact for a few seconds; Lauren felt Darren's fingers squeezing a little hers, like wanting to communicate to her through that. She heard a sound inside the house, surely Joe had finished his beer.

"I have to..." she stammered, cutting off contact with him, but looking into his eyes. Darren nodded.

"Sure. Goodbye..." he whispered, feeling stupid and impotent with each second that passed.

"Yeah..." she said, walking away and closing the door, and instantly leaning on it; leaving the boy standing on the sidewalk. Only there she realized that she had been rude. But he couldn't blame her, why had he come? It was not necessary. He could have sent the coat by his friend. He could have not returned the coat; that would have been the best. She didn't understand what he meant showing up at her home. Joe cut her thoughts at once:

"Who was that?"

"No one..." Lauren replied, glancing out by the window. Darren was gone, and she tried to convince herself that scene had never happened, this man would never appear in her life again, that he wouldn't look for her again. "No one..." she repeated, thinking that might not be necessary for him to find her. Joe approached her.

'Sorry,' he said, looking into her eyes. He waited a few seconds and she didn't answer. Joe took this as a signal to go ahead, and he placed a kiss on her lips. It was a fierce kiss, Joe's lips were always rough and he had an angry but attractive attitude when he touched her; but she was absent. He had already taken her around the waist and headed her to the bedroom, undressing her. She left him do. She allowed those rough but passionate strokes going through her body. While the onslaughts of Joe were shaking her, she couldn't stop thinking about one thing.

If she touched his fingers, they wouldn't squeeze hers.


	7. Part I: Chapter 7

**A/N: I kiiiiiiiiinda like some parts of this one? :3 and the quote of the end always kills me because it reminds me something of this story that I didn't even write yet :c **

**ANYWAY**

**Song: Love Story - Taylor Swift (On youtube /watch?v=8xg3vE8Ie_E )**

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**VII. Love Story**

_"Bad idea"_ she said to herself, leaning against a lamppost. She was biting the cuticles of her nails, nervous, and with every second that passed it seemed more logical for her to get out of there. A group of children were walking out of the school, it was past noon and it was their time of departure, all of them were dressed in their uniform and stepping with little jumps, joking with each other and making noise. One of them was absolutely adorable, his hair was curly and he was ridiculously small, he was holding his mother's hand and walking on his tiptoes, you could tell he was more timid than the others. She couldn't help but smiling at that image and, surprised, she watched as he smiled back. Then the mother pulled his hand, and as she cast a contemptuous and even a frightened look to Lauren, she began to walk faster. Her smile dissolved and she looked down. Sure, it wasn't a way too revealing dress (she was wearing the more decent clothing she had, in fact) but people always somehow realized. Which reminded her of the mistake she was making in that time. She didn't even know if he was going to leave his work for those hours. She wasn't even sure that he worked there! It was information that Joe had given her not very confident, perhaps she was there wasting her time. She watched the door of the engineering office, 50 feet from where she was, and she bitted her lip. What was she doing?

Then she saw him leaving the office and he started walking down the sidewalk towards her, too immersed in God-knows-what-thoughts to realize that she was there. Her heart raced, was too late to get out of there without being recognized? Darren was writing a text on his cell phone at the time that he walked next to her. She inhaled deeply, and she felt back in her teenage years due to the way her heart jumped uncontrollably; but from somewhere she got the courage to call him. Darren turned back, frowning for a few seconds, trying to figure out if they had called him. She struggled for a smile, maybe that way the situation would seem less strange and less scary?

"Hello, stranger."

"Lauren?" he asked, approaching her, obviously surprised, but smiling. He put his phone in the pocket of his suit "What are you doing here?"

She wished she could answer that.

"I have no idea, really."

They both laughed for a few seconds, and Lauren began to believe that maybe wasn't such a bad idea to have waited for him as a stalker.

"And, are you... doing something? Do you want to have lunch?"

She cursed inwardly. What a fool, she never thought she would need money, and in her situation she wasn't allowed to go around with a few bills always in her pocket. Now it seemed obvious, but she hadn't thought about it.

"I didn't... I didn't bring money," she replied bluntly, but ashamed as hell. She knew that any other excuse would be unreliable. He didn't change his smile, and he touched her arm, carefree.

"Don't worry, I invite" he said, stroking her arm with his thumb. It was a detail that she didn't miss. "I know a good place a few blocks from here, if you want..."

She nodded, trying not to look awkward, and they headed to the restaurant.

"What brings you around here?" Darren asked as they walked; and Lauren took a deep breath, apparently she wasn't going to get rid of that question.

"Boy, Darren, I couldn't tell. By accident I've heard that you work there, and I thought to give me a break of..." she thought a bit, didn't want to mention explicitly her profession, however, he knew it and it wasn't necessary to mention, and so she wouldn't feel so embarrassed. "...the routine."

He continued smiling all the time, he didn't seemed to dovetail with the situation, it seemed like no one had warned him in what he was getting into. He just seemed happy with her presence. They entered in the restaurant and sat at a table for two. The place was rather elegant, the most elegant in which Lauren had gone before. Only then she realized that Darren was wearing a suit, that he had left an office, and judging what she had seen at his home, he had money. Nothing too flashy, but he lived well. She wished she had bought a formal dress once in her life, or at least she had checked if her tights didn't have a hole somewhere. She wasn't too fine, but she liked to be fancy sometimes, to be presentable, which was almost impossible most of the time, because of the money or the lifestyle that she had. But it only seemed relevant at that time.

"What do you want to order?" Darren asked, watching her.

"Uhm... what do you recommend?"

"They make a good lasagna in here."

"Then a lasagna will be," she replied, and he called the waiter. Lasagnas for both were ordered and Lauren settled her into her seat. Being in that environment, she began to worry that people saw Darren with her. They were close to his work, what if his boss found out? She hadn't thought she could get him into trouble. She bit her lip.

"Are you okay?" he asked, stroking her shoulder, probably due to her expression of concern. She nodded. He had this habit of physical contact with her so often, and she wasn't sure whether she liked it or was uncomfortable.

"Do you always come to eat here?"

"From time to time, yes. It's close from my work." He explained. The waiter returned with their dishes and a bottle of wine, and they started to eat.

"Are you an architect?"

"Something like that. I handle most of the business. I haven't designed anything since my final exam on college. Not that I'm complaining, though."

"You don't like your job?"

"I don't dislike it," he replied, settling, and serving wine at the cops of both of them. His leg brushed against hers, and she didn't know if it was on purpose or not. "but it's not my passion"

"Well, what's your passion?" she asked, curious.

The look on Darren's face changed, getting serious. In the past months all that he cared about and was interested in, it was Mia. They planned to get married in the near future, and at that time the idea was consuming him completely, in a good way. When she left him, he was left with nothing. But he wouldn't talk about it, he didn't wanted her to think he was a baby.

"I... I used to play the guitar."

"Really? Why aren't you still into that?" she asked, more and more intrigued.

Crap. He had forgotten that wasn't a topic he wanted to talk about either. He preferred to talk about Mia. He preferred to talk about anything but that.

"I... it was just a college hobby. And what about you? What do you like to do?"

Lauren frowned, objecting to the change of direction in the conversation. What could she answer? That she only wished that every day elapse quickly, hoping that she didn't get any sexually transmitted disease or that she didn't have a client with ridiculous fetishes? That she begged Joe decided not to drink as much this time, so he didn't got up in the middle of the night to open all the windows for some reason, and the bed got cold and she couldn't sleep?

"I like reading to Nietzsche" she replied after a few seconds. It had been years since the last time she touched a book, actually. It was a luxury she couldn't afford at that point; but Darren couldn't know. Both were people with too many secrets to hide.

"Nietzsche? Hm, I prefer to Hume-" Darren joked and Lauren's jaw dropped, offended.

"How dare you!" she reproached him, pushing him in the arm. Both laughed.

They finished with their lasagnas, and Darren invited her for a walk in the park a few blocks away. They walked for only a few minutes and then they sat under a tree. The evening had come early, it seemed like those film's sunsets. Lauren sat cross-legged, and was surprised that Darren sit behind her, his legs on either side of her, letting her lean on him. She guided his arms around her belly and clasped his fingers, closing her eyes slightly. She felt too comfortable in his arms. She had spent less than a week since he hugged her for the last time (or fucked her, wasn't that the same?), but only then she realized how much she had missed him. She wasn't sure what kind of relationship they had at the time, things had been taken in a very strange way, but she only knew that his closeness was good for her. For a moment she feared to meeting someone that she knew, but they were far away from her neighborhood. In that time, she only could relax against his chest. He smiled and Lauren felt his breath against her shoulder.

"I can't believe you have my same age."

She raised her eyebrows.

"How many years had you thought that I have?"

"I could swear you were under nineteen."

"Nineteen! And you slept with me, though... you bastard."

"Hey, you seduced me" he fought back, giving her a squeeze.

"And it took me like two minutes.." he smiled and they were silent for a few seconds.

"Lauren, about the other night I went to your house... I ... I didn't mean to interrupt something or..."

"You didn't. It's okay" she snapped.

"Was something wrong?" he asked.

She didn't want to tell him. She didn't feel like she should do it, neither. She barely knew him. Why had she came waiting for him to leave his job? She felt his breath against her neck, and then remembered it. She was afraid that he thought she was single, available, and that had been an invitation to a date. Of course she didn't know what this was, but it wasn't a suggestion of a relationship. And if she told him about the fight with Joe, she surely would start to cry in his arms and couldn't left him go. She would feel too attached to him. She couldn't let that happen. She jumped up and dragged him by the hand.

"Want to see what I can do?" she said, smiling.

"Lauren, you didn't answer..."

She dragged him to the playground section of the park. There was a climber with a square shape, a sort of up and down stairs.

"Watch this" she anticipated, anxious, taking off her jacket and giving it to Darren. She climbed on the game, like if that was the most normal thing in the universe. Luckily there was no child around.

"What are you doing?" He asked, laughing, approaching her, to make sure that she didn't get hurt. She hung up, supported by her hands and feet, in the horizontal ladder. Slowly, her hands released the iron head, and she was only supporting by her feet. Was that even possible? "You're amazing," he said, as she rested her hands on the ground and settle down on the ground "Where did you learn to do that?"

"I did gymnastics all my childhood" she replied, taking back her jacket. That made clear his doubts about her fit and well formed body.

Lauren took his hand and forced him to keep walking. They took the minutes in which the sun shone with greater splendor, they stopped a while in a cart that sold food and bought some tortillas. Without worrying about the rest, they continued their conversation. Darren hadn't spoken that much with anyone since Mia.

"Have you always lived in Chicago?" He asked. The sun was about to hide. She shook her head.

"I was born in a suburb in Michigan. I moved to Chicago when I was 18"

"With your family?"

"No." she said, and avoided his gaze. They continued walking but she had released Darren's hand "My family still in Michigan."

"You were very young," he noted, frowning. "How did you get by?"

She looked at him seriously for a few seconds, without replying. He instantly regretted having asked that. He felt like a complete douche, it wasn't obvious how her life was to get by? What a jerk. He was about to apologize, but she had stopped her walking and looked at the sunset.

"It's getting dark," she said "I have to take the bus."

"I'll drive you home" he replied immediately. She shook her head and he felt like shit. She forgot about it all day. She had been smiling the whole afternoon, and he had ruined it.

"No. It's not necessary."

"Please," he asked, quietly. She pursed her lips and thought it for a few seconds.

"Okay" she agreed, and they turned their steps back to Darren's office, where his car was parked. He opened the door and she thanked him with a nod, sitting in the passenger seat. She felt uncomfortable, like an intruder. She waited for him to sit in the driver's seat. He started the car.

"Do you mind some music?" He asked. She shook her head.

He turned on the radio, and the harmony of the Rolling Stones invaded the environment. _Angie_. Great, now she was about to cry. That song was special. However, she didn't show her emotions. She looked out the window how the buildings passed like a lightning, within minutes it was completely dark. She sighed; her breath fogged the window's glass. She cleaned it with the sleeve of her jacket.

"Actually I like living in Chicago" she said, and Darren wasn't sure if she was talking to him or to herself. Her voice sounded a little absent, and she was staring off "If the circumstances were different..." she smiled "I guess I would like it more. Blame the flea, not the blood."

She had returned to smile, but her smile was actually quite sad. Similar to the one on her identification. At dusk the temperature had also fallen. He saw her hiding her hands inside his jacket, and she seemed to him incredibly beautiful and depressing. Like a Nietzsche's text.

Arriving at Lauren's house, he returned to open the door so she could leave the car. He accompanied her to the entrance and both stopped, not knowing exactly what to do.

"I had a great day," Darren said "I would like to repeat it if you don't try to climb to something in a public place."

She laughed, she had forgotten the incident a few minutes ago. She looked into his eyes and, without knowing why, she stroked with one hand his stubble jaw. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, leaning on her stroke, feeling it; and when he opened his eyes also stared at her. Darren had the eyes of an amber color, pervasive, striking. The palm of her hand fell slowly, like a drop of water, from his jaw to his neck. She could feel his breath, slightly agitated, in the movement of the muscles in his neck. And it wasn't for nothing, he was holding his desire to kiss her. Just that, a soft kiss, light, nothing more than a drag. She licked her lips, and he put his hands on her waist, pulling her towards him. Their noses were almost touching, then she whispered hoarsely but audible.

"Darren, I... I live with a guy."

He didn't know how to take that. She had all afternoon to tell him and chose to tell right now? What did that mean? Was she married? It seemed impossible, due to the circumstances. But if she had a boyfriend, that doesn't fit too well either.

"Does that mean you're rejecting me?" He asked, whispering too. He didn't move at all. And he was still holding his gaze.

"I don't know..." she replied, her eyes denoted concern. But she was so close, so fucking close that he couldn't help but break the distance between them. His arms clasped tightly around her waist, and his lips didn't remain still for a moment, they traveled through her mouth, naughty. She would have liked to not respond but she was doing it and she knew it. Her hands on his neck allowed her to deepen the kiss. Everything in her was shaken, upset and confused, and a millions of thoughts struck her ears, screaming what the hell was she doing, but she didn't open the door to them. Darren bit her lower lip and she let out a barely audible moan; she felt him agitated against her, so close. Lauren shook her torso slightly forward and backward, so that he could feel her breasts, feel how she was, feel to her. His hands pressed closely, it seemed like he didn't want to let her go. She pressed her lips more strongly against his, and moved her torso again. She heard him gasp and pulled her even closer to him.

Things were going great, until she felt a bulge growing against her belly. That woke her up. Suddenly, she pushed him away with her hands; he held her so tightly that the movement required actually a lot of strength. To his puzzled face, she only replied:

"I have to go."

Her voice was broken, and her eyes watery. He saw her closing the door of her house with a bang. But he didn't felt anger or anxiety, or sadness. He wanted to help her. He wanted her to be able to spend a day with a smile, to not have to lower her head with an inappropriate question, to not have to run from a random scene.

He wanted to love her. And not only that. He wanted her to let him.

_"The ones who have loved the man are the ones who always have done the most damage. They have demanded it for them the impossible, as all lovers."- Friedrich Nietzsche._


	8. Part I: Chapter 8

**A/N: this is one of my faves chapters :3**

**Song: I'm with you - Avril Lavigne (on youtube /watch?v=dGR65RWwzg8 )**

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**VIII. I'm with you**

She got up quickly from the bed, putting her underwear on. The man next to her, still agitated, looked her with a frown:

"Are you going to go so quickly?" And he stretched a hand to stop her, but she was already standing up. She didn't answer his question, just looked at him as she put her shirt on.

"The money."she ordered in a stern voice. The man didn't move from his place.

"In a minute."

"Now," she said, putting her pants and then her shoes on. She wanted to leave.

"Why so hurry?" He asked, putting a hand behind his head, and lying in bed without many worries. She toured the foot of the bed, the heel of her shoes echoing in the room as she stood in front of him.

"I don't have all night."

"In a minute, doll." he said. A shiver went down to Lauren's body when he called her so. She hated that they refer to her with such a nicknames as she was his girlfriend or his friend, because she wasn't. She had nothing to do with him or with anyone. She stayed stood, staring at him, her face serious, but that didn't seem to affect him at all. She wanted to go home, she hated having to deal with guys like that.

"If you don't pay me I'll call Joe" she said.

"Go ahead" the man had stood up and walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle half full. His house was just one room, plus the bathroom; and it was quite miserable, wet boxes were everywhere and everything was messy, dirty or untidy, but Lauren knew he had enough money to pay her "Your little boyfriend doesn't scare me. I could kill him with my own hands." And he started drinking from the peak of the bottle. He still was on his underwear, which it was quite unsightly.

She flashed a look of defiance. She pulled out her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Joe's number. The tone rang a few times and Lauren bit her lip. She internally prayed that he answered, he never wanted him to do it that much. But the tone was still ringing. He didn't answer. Apparently he would have left his phone at home. _Shit._

A cruel laughter rang through the room.

"Your little boyfriend is busy?"

She stood her ground.

"He'll come at any time." she assured to him, putting her cell phone back in the pocket of her pants. He didn't need to know that was a lie. He took a few shots over his bottle, each time seemed to relax more, which made her hysterical. He grimaced after swallowing his rough drink, it was probably tequila.

"Let him come." He replied.

_Shit._

She was angry. She didn't ask nothing too extraordinary, and she really didn't want problems.

"Hey, don't fuck with me, okay?" she asked, exasperated, closing her eyes to contain her anger.

"You didn't say that a few minutes ago."

Another shiver ran down her spine. She didn't want to remember what happened a few minutes ago, she wanted to take the money and get out of there. She didn't want to remember that stranger's body moving inside of her, she didn't want to remember his face, his touch, or his smell.

"I have to go, it's too late. The money."

"Don't rush, doll. Haven't we had a good time?" And he began to approach her, leaving the empty bottle on a small table, which rocked a little, and she cursed internally. The alcohol began to affect him soon enough or he was a jerk even sober. Lauren raised her eyebrows with her guard up. _Don't fuck with me._

"Stay away." she warned.

"What happens? Let's have a little more of fun." he had come a few steps closer to her, and seeing the state he was in, that wasn't going to end well. She was tired. She wanted to leave at that fucking time. Her hand slipped slowly to the bottle he had left on the table without he noticed it, "The night is young."

She decided that the distance between them was too short and she made a quick and rough gesture with her right hand. A roar resounded strongly throughout the house and hundreds of small glass fell to the floor.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed, jumping in his place. She could see his eyes bulged. He was actually scared. Sure, she couldn't blame him.

Lauren remained standing, with half of the bottle that had been shattered in her hand. The edge was so sharp that she could stab a man. And this man saw it, because then he added:

"I was just teasing you. God, I'll pay you. What's wrong with you?" And he turned to rummage through thousands of things stacked in the cupboard. She didn't leave the bottle, just in case. He turned around with a few bills in his hand, which held out to her, and Lauren noticed he was trembling. She really had been so violent as to react like that?

She took the money and put it in her bra, walking toward the entrance. The guy looked at the mess she left on the floor, and she simply said, after opening the door:

"I told you. Don't fuck with me." And the door slammed shut. She threw half of the bottle on the grass, and began to return home at full speed.

She walked a few minutes on the darkened streets of Chicago to get home. Bubba was waiting for her at the entrance. As the door opened, the first thing she noticed was a pile of dirty dishes accumulated during the week on the counter. She didn't know why but now that bothered her. She couldn't see the dirty dishes in there anymore. She changed to more comfortable clothes and began to wash the dishes fiercely.

She was nervous, tense. Joe wasn't there, and she was anxious for him to arrive. She didn't even care if he hadn't answered her call today; she wanted to talk to him. What she had done just now started to affect her. She was rubbing the dishes with frustration, her breathing was agitated.

When Joe opened the door of the house, she let go a sigh out of her mouth. She never wanted so hard to talk to him.

"Hello, baby," he said coming over and planting a kiss on her lips. She wasn't expecting that, he always took her by surprise. She didn't dislike it, but it wasn't the right time. She tried to hold a smile and stroked his neck, but pushing him gently a little. She just wanted to talk to him.

But then she saw his eyes. They were dilated. And the shook of his hands on her were more relaxed than normal. He was smiling. He wasn't the ones who smile at anything. She released his neck and continued washing the dishes, trying suddenly to ignore the fact that he was there. Now she didn't want to talk to him anymore. But he didn't give up so easily, even when she had turned her back, he grabbed her by the hips and kissed her neck.

"Not now, Joe," was all that he said. Still, he continued kissing her neck, and the smell coming from him only confirmed her suspicions. When he tried to catch one of her breasts, she interrupted his hand "Joe, no. You're high."

"Of course I'm not," he said, laughing.

"You are. Joe..."she sighed, as he increased his insistence. His hips oppressed against hers heavily. She couldn't concentrate more on doing the dishes, so she left them to the side and wiped her hands "I told you not now. What did you took?"

"I didn't take anything" he said, rolling his eyes. "You always imagine the worst of me. I was just trying to get your attention."

"I know, but not now, really." she asked, turning and facing him "I had a bad day."

He laughed, but it was a laugh of exasperation. She could imagine the worst, his mood had changed. He was very temperamental, especially while drinking, that meant that drugs would be even worse.

"You never have a good day. We don't do it anymore. Then you complain when I go with other woman."

That hit her hard to Lauren, like a slap. She snorted.

"I can't believe you use it as an excuse."

"Do you want me to not use it? Let's do it now," he chimed in, taking her hips again, this time really strongly. His breath filled her face. His eyes were _so_ dilated.

"I said no, Joe!" She responded with a shove, but he had a firm grip, and he was too strong. One hand went to her side and held her tightly, hurting her.

That wasn't her idea of resting at home.

"You don't think that outside this house I'm not risking my life for you?" his face was really close. His hand closed even more tightly around her, and his words were spat out with emphasis, his red eyes were open as it was possible. He was very angry. "You wouldn't think I'm going to pick flowers in the neighbor's yard, didn't you? Cause I'm not. And all I ask in return is a fucking calmed life in this house. Did you ever think to show me your gratitude?"

"Let me go," she said, struggling in vain with her arm.

"I'm with other woman? Yes, I am! But why do you think I do, Lauren? You don't leave me another fucking choice!" his face was really close to hers, she could tell he was enraged.

"Go with your whores, then."

The hand that wasn't locked on her elbow moved with a quick gesture to her scalp. He stretched out her hair and Lauren gasped, squirming in a futile attempt to get away. He was too strong.

·Maybe you can insult them, or faking you're rough with me" he blurted, speaking clearly despite his condition "But you're a whore just like them."

Her position perhaps made her impossible to move, but having Joe's face so close to her was convenient so she could spit him in the face.

"You little f..." he stammered, raising his hand to his face to wipe the spit from the girl. By doing this he let go her hair, and she tried to escape from his grip once more.

Joe returned to take her by both arms, this time with twice the force. She moaned, he was hurting her. Not knowing what else to do, she reunited forces and kicked him in the groin.

"Bitch!" He shouted with all the breath he could gather, his body fell forward, and without being able to sustain himself, he leaned on the counter. At last he let her go.

She didn't have to look at him to know he was more enraged than ever. He tried to grab her again, but this time she was fast enough to slide. However, in this attempt a whole stack of dishes fell to one side of the table, because of them forcing with each other. The roar echoed through the head of Lauren for seconds that seemed endless. She couldn't take it anymore. She didn't dare to waste time looking for a coat; she went out by the front door and walked quickly down the sidewalk. Bubba ran scared of the entrance as the door opened. Joe had been breathing on a straddle on the counter, cursing under his breath, she didn't know if he realized she was gone. She felt as if she was going to get sick, but didn't cry. A huge knot had settled in her throat and her mouth was dry. She couldn't think what she was doing, she was stunned. She walked almost to the trot for two blocks, but then began to feel her legs failing to her. Yes, she was going to get sick. Her head was spinning and she was hot. She could feel her pulse beating in her ears. She wanted to vomit. But also she just wanted to go away, go away from Joe, go away from strangers, away from the woman who threatened a man with a bottle. What kind of person does that?

She had her sneakers, so she had the advantage of being able to walk very quickly. However, it was a Saturday after midnight. And it was a dangerous neighborhood. She could feel it clearly when she saw a man leaning against the wall of a building with a hood over his face, alone and in silence, a few feet away from her. She would have cross the street, but it was too late, the man approached her.

"Can I take you somewhere, doll?" Another chill through her. If someone called her like that one more time, she would go crazy.

She was so scared, stunned, that as the man spoke, she pushed him away. She instantly regretted doing so. She didn't know if he intended to steal her or if it was only a matter of personal defense, but he had a knife up his sleeve. When she pushed him, the knife stuck a few inches below her wrist and drew a cut.

_You have to be fucking kidding me._

The boy ran out instantly, and she was watching the blood drain from her cut. It didn't even hurt. A few seconds passed before she could react. She looked toward the street, a taxi was approaching. Without thinking, she beckoned to curb it. She got on the trip and closed the door shut.

"Where can I take you?" the taxi driver asked. He was an elderly man with a careless mustache on his lips. A pair of glasses were dancing on the tip of his nose.

She breathed a few times, trying to collect her thoughts. It seemed impossible_. An address, an address_. Where could she go? She had no one. She had a friend in Chicago, but couldn't remember her address at that time. She sighed and, at once, she gave to the driver the address of the only person who wanted to see at that time.

As the car started, she started to mourn. At a stroke, as if something had turned into her. She hadn't cried in a while. On this occasion, the tears traveled violently down her face, one after another, and she moaned like a sentenced. Her wound was still bleeding, but it wasn't deep, it didn't almost hurt. Everything that had happened in the past hours attacked her fiercely. The stranger moving inside her, the breaking of the bottle of tequila on the table, the fingers of Joe being marked against her skin._ But you're a whore just like them. _She wanted to scream.

"Are you okay, girl?" the taxi driver asked, concerned.

"Not really."

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I wish it was" She replied, invaded by that uncontrollable crying.

The driver didn't speak again in all the way, he let her vent. The car braked in front of Darren's house, and she saw through the window a light on, indicating he was still awake. With a trembling hand she managed to open the car door and somehow she came out of it. She could hardly stand on the sidewalk, and didn't stop crying. She couldn't control it.

"Darling, I'm sorry about you're going through, but you have to pay me." the man politely informed from the taxi.

"Uhm..." she replied. _Moron._ She didn't bring any money with her, again. She put her hands on her face, trying to stop panting like an infant.

"Lauren?" She heard the soft voice of Darren coming to her side. Probably he would have heard the car parked on his street, and he had come to see. Her heart jumped when she saw him, and unable to resist, she threw herself into his arms. Her legs had collapsed. She had never been so weak, so vulnerable. He took her into his arms while she cried even with more power, but she couldn't help it "Are you okay? What happened?" She failed to answer his questions, she was too unconscious to respond.

The driver stuck his head out of the car. Darren moved a hand from Lauren's back and pulled a bill from his pocket, which gave it to the man.

"I hope that you solve whatever is so screwed up" he wished, as he started the car.

He felt the woman convulsing in his arms, and he worried more than ever. He didn't understand why she was there, but neither had been able to ask.

"Lauren, you're shaking. I'm going to take you inside, okay?" He asked gently. She somehow nodded. She wanted to stop mourning but also wanted to release everything.

She left him to guide her toward the house, her legs were weak but she managed to coordinate until there. He sat her on the couch and he sat next to her. He hugged her and let her vent continue. Her tears had soaked his shirt, but he didn't care. She squeezed him with a desperation that worried him more second to second.

"Are you okay?" He asked again. He was afraid that something serious was happening to her. "Are you hurt?"

"No." she lied, frustrated because she could barely breathe. She was hurt, but not too much. Nothing that in a week would give her discomfort.

"I need you to calm down," he said, slowly and gently as only he could speak. She was reinstated in his arms "Tell me what happened."

She made a huge effort to regulate her heartbeat. The tears continued falling one after another, but at least she could afford to talk. She didn't know where to begin. Darren saw her puzzled face, and took her hands. Then he noticed the gash under her wrist, and the dried blood around it.

"You're hurt."

"It'll heal" she assured him, and pressing his hands, when she saw that he was about to get up, probably going for a bandage or disinfectant "It isn't a deep wound."

"What happened?"

The thoughts were so diffuse, so intertwined, so confusing.

"Joe and I fought, and..."

"He did this to you?" He asked. He was serious, and staring to her. She could see contempt in that question.

"No."

He hesitated a few seconds. With even fear, he asked:

"You did this to yourself?"

"No," she looked down to take the courage to tell him, before returning to his gaze "It all started because I broke a bottle... I was mad and... Then we fought ...and I thought they wanted to attack me on the street ... and really.." the words faced in her mouth, she couldn't put together a coherent sentence.

"I'll go for something to cure that."

"It doesn't hurt," she said instantly. "Don't go..." she whispered, she was so tired that she believed her body wasn't going to respond.

Darren took her in his arms. He was worried about her, but seeing the state she was in, he decided that whatever it was could wait until tomorrow. Her tears had finally reached a soft pace, and she could remain silent. But the lump in her throat had been adjusted twice.

"Everything is fucked up" she said, quietly.

He couldn't reply. He didn't think anything he could say would be enough to comfort her. He could only hold her close, not knowing what was going through her head, hoping that this gesture would be enough. She leaned her head on his shoulder. She was so tired, without noticing her eyes closed. Darren wiped the tears on her cheeks, feeling when she had fallen asleep.

He couldn't imagine what kind of horrors or what kind of ridiculousness had happened to her to affect her that way. He had no idea anything about this woman. He didn't know her secrets, passions, or her history. He only knew that she had gone to him for help. And he, even if he wanted, he couldn't say no.


	9. Part I: Chapter 9

**A/N: here we gooo, remember all the people who are bad in here are puppies in real life bla bla bla**

**Song: Paradise - Coldplay (on youtube /watch?v=1G4isv_Fylg )**

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**IX. Paradise**

The first thing Lauren noticed upon awakening, was a sharp pain in her arms. In general, her whole body felt tired; but the pain was concentrated in that area. But at least she was mentally calmed down. It was only when she sat up when she noticed she was in Darren's bed. It was permeated with his smell. She didn't remember falling asleep there. She felt uncomfortable, why exactly had she gone to his home? She practically forced him to let her stay for the night. She was immediately struck by a feeling of panic. She wanted to go home and apologize to Joe. Just erase what she had done. What was she even trying to prove?

"Good morning" a voice announced, opening the bedroom door. His voice was so cozy. Darren went through the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. For his expression she noted that he didn't wake up long ago. "How are you?"

"Sorry," she said. She couldn't answer his question. She began to get up from the bed. "I have to go," she frowned when she got up, and noted that she wasn't wearing pants. What exactly happened last night? She began to feel an advanced regret "Where are my clothes?" She blurted out, staring at him with fury.

"Calm down, nothing happened" he interjected, without raising his voice "I took off your pants because I thought you'd be uncomfortable sleeping in them. I didn't know that would bother you."

Lauren returned to calm down. She didn't have reasons to react that way. She nodded. Darren pointed to a chair a few feet from the bed where her pants were, and she began to dress. She ran a hand through her hair to disguise that she was haggard. She was probably a mess.

"Don't go yet," he said.

A small puncture went through Lauren's heart. By the way that he said it was impossible to refuse.

"Sorry," she repeated. Calming down a bit, she sat down on the bed. She summed up the situation on her head a few seconds, and she asked "If I spent the night here, where did you...?"

"I slept on the couch. Don't worry, it's okay." he added quickly, seeing Lauren's expression. He examined her a few seconds with his eyes and grimaced in disapproval "You're injured."

"It doesn't hurt", she said. He knew it was a lie. Her arms were full of bruises and nail marks. The struggle of the previous night had left its traces. Darren wanted to do something about it, but they were bruises and he could only hope to heal, and the wound in her wrist was already scarred.

"Lauren, are you going to tell me what happened?"

She sighed deeply. Unlike yesterday, this time she wanted to tell him, she wanted to be logical and she wanted him to understand.

"Last night I had some problems with a guy who didn't want to pay me. It bothered me so much and I became a little violent. I didn't feel right," she began to relate. She was surprised by the attention he paid to her mate, no one used to pay as much attention as she spoke "I was upset and Joe came home stoned. Logically, we fight" She snorted. "It wasn't his fault. But we screamed and wrestled. He pulled my hair and I spit on his face. I hit him to let me go... It was a disaster."

"Does he always hit you?" He interrupted her, again with that contempt in his tone.

Lauren snorted and said:

"He didn't hit me. We both wrestled."

"That's not an excuse" he replied. She noticed he was containing himself. "Nothing gives him the right to treat you that way."

She didn't answer. It was in vain. He would never understand. She thought it was cute that he seemed to think that she didn't deserve such treatment, but it was only because he didn't know her.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" he asked, changing the subject. He looked so worried.

"'I'm fine, thanks" she said with a grin. The desire to leave had already abandoned her. She felt comfortable in that place, Darren's voice was comforting, and his presence was welcoming, he made her forget momentarily that she would have to return and give explanations to Joe. Despite her physical pain, she felt good. Her smile widened when she saw an instrument lying on the bedroom wall. "You told me you didn't play anymore..."

She got up from the bed with a jump, took the guitar by the neck and tried to give it to Darren, excited; but he shook his head at once, making nervous gestures with his hands.

"No, no, I don't play, really. I've quit that."

"Please," she insisted, thinking it was a case of shyness. "I bet you're good."

"It's not that" his face turned serious "I can't play, really."

"Why?" She asked, going again to the seat beside him, and placing the guitar on her lap. She felt like she had so much to know about him.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I told my story. It's your turn."

Darren sighed, passing one hand over his hair. It was the first time he talked about that subject since months ago. Of course, everyone who knew him knew about it, but somehow he always managed around to avoid the matter. It never ceased to be a sensitive area.

"While I was at college I formed a band with my two best friends. Nothing serious, as any college band. Their signatures are on the body of the guitar" Lauren looked the scribbles drawn so sloppy on the wood. Three friendly dedications followed by their respective signatures. She recognized Brian's name under a humorous phrase that included alcohol and meaningless nicknames. Another name that she registered it was Mia, and apparently the dedication was made when they were a couple; she bit her lip, it didn't seem strange that it was so hard to him much to overcome her if he kept her memories with such courage. The third name, which she guessed it was from the other member of the ex band, was unknown to her: Joey Richter. Darren continued "We used to play in bars and some events, we had a good time. At the graduation party we met a contact from a record company and he offered us a record deal. We almost accept it, we had never considered music as a job but it would be great to make the most of it. We were pretty good, and we knew it. We agreed that we would sign the contract, but at the last minute we had to cancel. Joey got engaged with his girlfriend and wanted to marry and settle down as soon as possible, so that he could not risk losing time with unstable employment that could end disastrously. He married and got a job for a type of high society, and Brian and I ended up in the office. We could have succeeded, I guess we'll never know."

"Were you angry with him? Is that why you stopped playing?"

"No," he said. He was very serious, concentrated in his story "He was married for two years and then he got divorced, and I was there for him. He was my best friend for years. We have been completely inseparable for as long as I can remember. We have been until a while ago."

"What happened?"

"He was sleeping with my fiancée."

His voice brought a chill that slipped between Lauren's backbone. She could feel the anger and anguish tangled between his words.

"That sucks"

"It does."

He was so absorbed in God-knows what memories; and it deeply hurt her seeing him like that. He seemed like a kindergarten child whom parents forgot to pick up. He gave her that feeling. She licked her lips, and picked up the guitar, but she didn't deposit it in its place. She handed it to Darren, but he seemed unable to accept it.

"Just hold it," she said gently.

Reluctantly he held the guitar, and she sat slowly behind him. She was very close; he could feel her constant breath down on his neck. She made him, but in a delicate manner, to take the instrument itself, as if he was about to play it.

"Lauren, you don't understand. I can't do it."

He didn't want to seem so frustrated in front of her, but too many memories haunted him every time he tried to get sound from that piece of wood. She silenced him and sat even closer. He could feel her on his body. Around his torso, she placed her right hand on Darren's right hand, doing the same with the left, wrapping her arms around him.

"Close your eyes," she whispered in his ear. He couldn't help but obeying her; her voice was so seductive, so secure. Lauren's left hand, and by consequent Darren's, went to the frets of the guitar. His fingers trembled slightly as he felt his fingertips on the ropes and wood, but Lauren's hand prevented him unstuck in there. Her grip was soft but firm. He felt like his right hand was directed toward the strings; and moved a little his fingertips to the sides to get familiar again with that touch, and Lauren let him. Usually this was the time when the images began to attack him with ferocity and his beat quickly soared; but at that moment, with her breathing against him, her hands on his and the scent of her hair flooding his senses; he couldn't think of anything else.

"Do it for me," she whispered. She knew that his memories could come soon and she wanted to chase them away. She knew how he felt. She was so close that she was almost supporting her chin on his shoulder. She also closed her eyes.

Some seconds passed before any sound resonated in the room. It was a somewhat violent strumming, sharper than he had expected and less perfect than he had wanted; but he was surprised to get a sound that wasn't the one that the guitar made leaning against the wall. The melody seemed to expand on the room for a few seconds. He felt how Lauren smiled over his shoulder.

"It wasn't so hard, huh?" she said, dropping his hands, but she didn't go too far "What song will you play for me now?"

"God, Lauren. I didn't play anything for months, I..."

She rolled her eyes. Now she could tell it was a matter of ego. He smiled, and she was happy too. She was happy to see him happy, and for having been the cause of it. She lied in bed, with her eyes closed, and left her mind got lost in the forgotten melodies of that afflicted heart.


	10. Part I: Chapter 10

**A/N: I love to write about Lauren's old story sooo here ya go... i hope you like it! **

**Song: Perfect for you - Next to Normal (original Broadway cast) (on youtube /watch?v=ICAfH5I8ttk )**

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**X. Perfect for you**

Lauren glanced towards the window; as she finished the tea that Darren prepared to her. It was getting dark. They had spent the afternoon keeping an intimate chat between the chords of his guitar and a few laughs. Now she was sitting in the dining room, leaving the cup on the table. She hadn't brought her cell phone, so it was impossible to know if Joe had tried to found her. She shouldn't be worrying him that much. Finally, after all, the fight last night was not his fault. They had been having frequent encounters in a while, that was only a little more violent than the others; she was not sure if that meant anything or not. She shook her head. She'd think of a solution on the trip to home, knowing Joe, it'd be likely if they both act as if nothing happened and continue with their lives. She knew that he didn't like to talk about these situations, and she knew that would be easy for him to ignore what happened.

Darren left his room with his hair wet and towel in hand, which he dropped on a chair in the dining room. He had finished bathing. Lauren for a moment imagined that they were a couple and he came to pick her up to take her to have dinner at a restaurant. And she smiled, her cheeks even slightly blushed. Then she reproached herself thinking such nonsense. She didn't belong to that lifestyle. She didn't deserve an invitation to a nice restaurant, or even that he dedicate to her a song. But is not that she felt sorry for herself, she had chosen that life. She got up from the chair and, feeling like she had said the same thing a thousand times and never actually did it, said:

"I have to go"

Darren snorted, not on a derogatory manner, but rather surprised.

"Are you kidding?" She said nothing, merely frowned at his question, so he added "Are you coming back with a man who abuses you? And with a dangerous job?"

Lauren looked into his eyes, without moving, waiting a few seconds. It wasn't just like that. Slightly offended, countered:

"Not so. Just because you..."

"You can stay here."

_I'm trying to tell you I love you._

That was what really impressed her enough for it to swing into her place. She received his attempts to protect her as bombs that kept falling over her, one after another, and she didn't have enough hands to deal with them. She just couldn't believe what he was offering. They had known less than a month ago and in the worst circumstances, and there he was, giving her everything.

"What the hell, Darren? You invite any stranger to stay at your home?" Her voice was stronger than it should have sounded, perhaps.

"Well," he replied, calmed down "you've spent two nights here and until now you haven't ripped off my kidneys."

A laugh came from the mouth of Lauren, but not because it seemed funny what he said, but because she was hysterical. He offered too much and it frightened her. She didn't understand what she had done differently from other people she had treated. She couldn't imagine living a normal life, she wouldn't be able to. She feared the possibility that this man was handing her, but it do tempted her. And if she...?

"I cannot. You know I cannot. I'm going home."

'With a guy you hate?' This time the voice of Darren sounded just as strong as hers.

Lauren frowned and avoided his gaze for a few seconds. She wasn't angry, but was a little upset and confused. He always knew what to say to take her by surprise. To make her think, hesitate; he pulled her towards him, he stood her on an iceberg and began to hit the edges of it with questions, and she was reeling in center without knowing how to respond.

_And this is one fucked up seduction._

"I don't hate him. We..."

"Do you love him?"

Her heart sank for a moment. She tried not to show it, leaning her weight against the dining table; otherwise her status would be probably obvious. She wasn't sure if she loved him, how was she supposed to know? He was important to her, she was sure. Until she met Darren he was the only person who had helped her, that made her feel special. They had met when she was in her senior year of high school. He worked at a motorcycle garage and was older than her, and he had brought her home when she accidentally took the wrong bus and ended up on the other side of the town. They immediately got along. From that day on, he went to fetch her after school and took her by beautiful rides on his bike. Along with other things, he introduced her to alcohol and drugs, although she didn't normally haunt that much. He wasn't a bad guy, though. She used to spend the night at his house, he played poker with his friends and she read a book on the garden or just watched the game, at that time it seemed fun. When her mother found out about their relationship she completely forbid it because she knew the bad reputation that Joe had in town. She wasn't the first teenager who had fallen into his webs. At that time he always treated her right, they were a typical teenage couple; and despite the objections of her mother (she just lied to her saying she was going to study at a friend's place), everything seemed perfect. After two months of evenings, laughter and shared cigarettes; Joe left his friends playing poker in the living room and took Lauren by the hand, leaving aside the book she was reading, and he headed her to his room, on the back of the house. When he began to undress her, she didn't quite understand what was happening but she left to get carried away by the situation. She had taken a few glasses of wine, so everything went smoothly. She was a little scared, but her friends had advice and warned her about it, so she made sure that Joe would use protection. She imagined that he supposed she was a virgin, so he was particularly delicate. His caresses were always a little sharp, but they had something that made them delirious. She hugged him and left him make her a woman; then she leaned back on his chest and asked him to let her stay the night in there. Unfortunately for them, the heaven that was their life at that moment didn't last long. Apparently Joe had planned that night for a long time, and somehow, the rumor spread from Joe's friends to the boyfriend of one of Lauren's sisters, who feared she would get hurt, so announced the news to his mother. Everything was a mess since then. Her mother burst with a scandal in Joe's house, shouted at the couple and the couple shouted at the mother, some furniture ended up scattered on the floor and Lauren was dragged half-naked from Joe's house, with the ban of never return to see him again. She spent her remaining semester in high school, going from home to school and from school to home. She had been unable to talk to him once since then, it didn't matter that she didn't spoken to her mother for an eternity. She had never been too rigid, but this time was too angry with Lauren because she found out about her lies all at once, the life she was hiding. The night of high school's prom she stayed with her family and tried to stand firm, remain calm, but she had something else in hand. Once everyone went to bed, she took the suitcase that was hidden in her room and slipped out of the dark house. Joe was waiting in his motorcycle half a block away. He waved his hand to hurry her, and she excitedly ran to him.

_'Where are we going?'_

_'Chicago'_ he replied, smiling, as he helped to load the luggage on the motorcycle. Lauren got behind him and held him hard by the waist. _'The city where we begin our adventure, babe. It'll be like a dream.'_

_'You promise?'_ she asked, biting her lip. Despite she had taken the courage (or the fear) to leave everything, she was worried about a strange city and a new life, both completely alone.

_'I promise,'_ he said, planting a big kiss on her lips, before starting the motorcycle as they got quickly lost between distant roads.

She didn't love him, no. Not like she was supposed to; not like a woman loves a man. But they had way too much history together. Although things had not worked as he promised, he never abandoned her.

"Just stay until you get money" Darren continued, seeing that she was in an internal battle "I have enough space, I have another not assembled bed in which you can sleep."

Of course he had a past with Joe, but that didn't prevent her to continue with her life. Didn't it? She was not sure of being able to be independent, how could she? She knew nothing, she wasn't trained at all. She had never even thought that she would have another choice in her life, and now all suddenly appeared, and she wasn't ready. Lauren noticed that he was trying to save her. She gave him a tender smile before replying softly,

"I'm not the person you think I am, Darren. I don't deserve the help you're offering me, and I'm not having self-pity or anything. You don't know what..."

"The way I feel," he interrupted, and that bothered her a bit, but she paid attention. "when you're around... I don't know why, but..." he stepped closer, to within inches apart, and Lauren noticed as her beats were accelerated "Everything is better when you're with me. When you're close, the world doesn't sucks."

_But one thing is working, if you're standing there._

Darren took her hand and she wanted to mourn. He certainly had feelings for her, but wasn't sure what or why. He only knew that the problems seemed to vanish when she was around. And she knew that if he left him, would end up returning back to him. Lauren needed him and Darren needed someone who needed him. She looked into his eyes and nodded her head slowly. He smiled slightly, but she cut him instantly:

"If I'm going to do this madness, I mean, if I stay, we have to make one thing clear" her tone was defiant but was strong.

"What?"

"I want to make that clear, Darren, I don't want you to even consider it. We _can't_ be together. In any sense."

Her words surprised him, he hadn't thought about what kind of relationship they would lead if she'd stay a while, but it seemed almost impossible to be near her and not think about hugging or kissing her.

"I didn't think you would be the one to put the rules. But deal. I have a restraining order."

She smiled and dropped his hand, heading to the kitchen.

_I can't fix what's fucked up, but one thing I know I can do._

"I think it would be fair to at least I prepare the dinner" she told, opening the fridge.

Did she know what she was doing? No. But previously she had said to herself that she knew too little of this man and wanted to know more. She'll start with his favorite food, then she'll worry about the rest...

_I can be perfect for you._


	11. Part I: Chapter 11

**A/N: i am updating like a beast so yep read read read and review if you are here pls omg also I love this song**

**Song: Don't cry - Guns n Roses (on youtube /watch?v=zRIbf6JqkNc )**

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**XI. Don't cry**

A smile was drawn on Lauren's face to hear how those chords lost in the air. Darren didn't release the guitar a second since that morning, obviously he had been reunited with a lost love. She finished tying her bondage ankle boots, and walked to the door casually moving her head to the beat of the song that he was playing. The sound stopped instantly when she opened the door.

"Where are you going?"

He had got up from the sofa. She acted as if it wasn't big deal, but in her inside the anxiety was consuming her. She was very nervous.

"I'm going to pick up my stuff from Joe's."

She didn't plan to stay too long, but at least some change of clothes would be necessary.

"I'll go with you."

"No, there's no need to" she answered, squeezing the doorknob. The wind was beating down her body. Apparently a storm was coming.

"Lauren, I will not let you go alone."

She frowned. He was too overprotective. She was a big girl and had a hard life, didn't need a bodyguard to follow her everywhere. But she was unable to respond nothing to him after having appeared with an unfortunate crying at his door. Besides, she was pretty nervous for that matter. She nodded and Darren drove her in his car. Along the way the clouds drew a gloomy shadow over the streets of Chicago, they've began to heard thunders distantly. She hated those stormy nights. Her house was full of leaks and had to get up at midnight to try to cover the mess with buckets; the thunders made the ceiling shake and the damp cold penetrated through the walls.

She breathed deeply when the car stopped; staring at what for years had been her home. She knew Darren was watching her, didn't need to turn her head to know. She didn't plan to flee without having Joe noticing it, or fight him or something. She wanted to talk to him and explain the situation: despite their constant bickering, she knew that being one hundred percent aware person he could be reasonable and even very understanding. He was going to let her go.

She got out of the car and hesitated a few seconds before heading towards the entrance. Why it was so difficult? She felt the pain of the marks on her arms, but shook her head. Joe wasn't a bad guy. The last day both were furious, so the situation got out of control. She saw that Darren had also got out of the car and approached her, as if he was going to ask her something but he didn't had the courage to do so.

"Stay here," she said, staring at him, changing her attitude to a more secure one. She needed to demonstrate her confidence and certainty in her decisions, or everything would plummet. She needed that Darren understood that. "Wait out here, and if something happens, you'll hear."

He nodded, letting her see he was ok with the deal. Lauren turned and walked to the door of the house. Bubba ran to her, happy for her comeback, but she ignored it. Not knowing whether she should knock the door, just entered. A horrible odor filled her nose immediately. She spotted Joe playing with Dylan and some other friends playing poker at the dinner table. A stereo was playing music loud enough so that no one would realize her entry. They had glasses of whiskey to the side of their cards and a stack of bills on the center. None of them was full of money, yet always found a way to get it to play. She didn't take long to realize that the smell and smoke invading the house was because they had been smoking marijuana. Joe only smoked weed when he was with them. After having kept staring at the bunch of men; Joe took a look to her, but not surprised by her arrival, he didn't even interrupt the game. She supposed he might still angry about last night. He leaned over the table to place a bunch of cards on it, and whispered cocky to his friends, but Lauren listened it perfectly:

"I said she would come back."

She immediately changed her opinion. She didn't want to talk with him or give her reasons. A cholera began to grow within her mightily. Even last night she hadn't been invaded by such strong feelings. At the time, she hated him. He was treating her as if she were nothing, as if her disappearance didn't affect him at all, as if she was just a whimsical teenager who tried to rebel against him. Like a stupid ordinary woman. Trying to ignore the urge to throw him off his chair, she walked with light steps into the room. She took an overnight bag from the closet, and in the fastest way she could, began to take her clothes to swats and put it in. She could also place some other personal products, such as her hairbrush and a few pairs of shoes, but didn't pay much attention to that. The figure of Joe appeared at the door in a matter of seconds, he had no cigarettes or alcohol in his hand, and she could see concern in his face, even when he was trying to hide it. Always pretending that nothing happened. It was something they had in common.

"What are you doing?" he asked, confused. He wasn't definitely expecting that. He thought that nothing had changed.

"I'm leaving" she replied sure, but without looking at him and continuing with her task.

Joe snorted, with a wry smile.

"Just because we had a fight?"

"Not only because we had a fight," she said, and went to the bathroom to get her toothbrush and other intimate accessories. Joe followed her "I can't keep living like this, Joe. We'll end up killing each other. And not only that. You know. You should understand." She returned to the room and continued packing her stuff; he was behind her without really understanding what was happening.

"Are you going to Charlene's?"

"No," she replied dryly.

He took her arm in a quick movement. Although the old wounds caused her pain for themselves, he had a strong grip.

"Where are you going?"

"Let me go," she ordered, looking up at him defiantly. He relented. He released her arm and she continued packing, as if nothing had happened.

"So that's it? You're going?"

"Yes."

"Starting from scratch?"

"I think so."

Another ironical laughter.

"And where do you plan to get a job?"

"I'll see."

"You didn't go to college. You are not qualified for anything. If you leave, you're lost."

Lauren said nothing, tried to ignore his words as she ran the closures of the bag. She hated the fact that was true. What was she planning to do? She was stuck with her lifestyle. It didn't matter if she stayed away from the shit. The shit would follow wherever. She would drag it. She putted that heavy bag hung on her shoulder, and went at full speed towards the door again. Joe followed her. His friends continued playing poker as if this was a routine scene, sharing laughs and comments without much sense, talking about a woman. At the time she left the house, a thunder echoed strongly in the environment. It was even darker than a few minutes ago, and the wind blew eerily. She felt the grip of Joe, this time against both of her arms. She could see him twitching his eyes and shaking his chest. He was angry but scared at the same time. She knew: In his own way, he didn't want to lose her.

"It doesn't matter what you do, Lauren! You will remain as the same slut you were when you got here!" He shouted. Bubba, who had waited at the entrance still, began to growl in the presence of this man who was hurting her.

"Let me go" Lauren repeated. She knew that, however violent facet he showed, he was frightened. He feared that she would leave and never return. He just didn't know how to show it. But that didn't prevent her from being mad at him at that time, although she didn't want to become as violent as him because things would end in a catastrophe.

She saw a shadow approaching behind her, and could imagine it was Darren who, worried, had come to see what happened. He had a powerful impulse to pounce on Joe and destroy his face, no matter what he did or didn't do, but he wanted to give them some space, he didn't know the story behind that image, and he knew Lauren would get angry to him for not let her do the things as she planned. Although he kept his guard up: he was prepared to interfere from any movement of that guy. Joe was watching him a few seconds, before letting out a hysterical laugh.

"This is the asshole you're leaving me for? Really? My dick is bigger than this guy!"

Always so... subtle. Lauren was able to get away from his arms with a sudden movement, her face showing disgust more than any other feeling. Darren was a few steps away, so she approached him immediately.

"Is everything okay?"

Nothing was okay.

"Yes," she said. "I just want to go."

"Okay," he whispered, and both were quick to get in the car.

Darren started the car, and before they get lost of his eye, Lauren saw Joe screaming obscenities from the sidewalk to the top of his voice. He couldn't control himself when he was angry. She felt sorry for him. She felt sorry for them, for herself too. What had become of their lives?

She wanted to mourn. She left that Darren drove away a few blocks, and then asked, trying not to break her voice:

"Can you stop the car for a moment?"

Darren stopped the car and Lauren immediately got out and leaned on the trunk, breathing deeply and closing her eyes. She opened them again, her breathing was uncontrollable, she wanted to throw up. There was not a soul in the streets, probably due to the storm approaching. Darren had respected her space (thank God) and stayed by the door. She wanted to be alone. Turning her head slightly, she said, and this time couldn't keep her voice straight:

"Can you hold me the cigarettes and lighter from the pocket of my purse?"

He waited for him to find them and overtake them. She lit a cigarette with her trembling hands, and she relaxed a little when the nicotine entered in her body. The wind whipped with increasing ferocity.

"Do you want one?" she asked to Darren. Her gaze was lost in the street that they just passed at full speed.

"I don't like smoking." He replied. He was still a few feet away from Lauren. He thought that if he approached her, she would probably punch him.

"Me neither..." was her answer. Her chest was still agitated, but the rage had become something worse: sadness. It was worse than wanting to be alone. It was not wanting it and not being able to say it.

Joe was right. What she planned to do now? The only thing she would make was embitter another home. She wished there could be a parallel universe, where you can know in advance the destiny of your decisions and correct them. Because with every decision she took, she had done nothing but fuck up. She felt a tightness in the chest, as if she was about to vomit, and the lights around her were turning around.

A clap of thunder rang three times stronger, and a thick, powerful rain began to fall at once. The thunder became constant, and in ten seconds she was all soaked. The cigarette fell from her mouth.

"Shit," she said, her voice cracking.

Tears began to fall one after another from her eyes. She wasn't sobbing, but her expression changed. She was going to collapse. It was a matter of a moment for Darren's arms to wrap around her. He didn't care if she was going to punch him. He couldn't stand seeing her like that. He pressed her against his chest, and she held on his arms trying in vain to restrain her tears. He kissed her forehead. It wasn't a hug in a romantic, sexual or distressing sense, like before. They failed to define it, but it was different.

Raindrops slid incessantly about their bodies, slipping through their coats. But they didn't care about that. They kept hugging, in a desolate street in Chicago, and Darren felt how she swallowed the sobs in her throat. She was cold, shivering, and her legs failed her again. And he only knew one thing.

He couldn't stand to see her like that.


	12. Part I: Chapter 12

**A/N: I LOVE THIS SONG K BYE**

**Song: Innocent - Taylor Swfit (on youtube /watch?v=JslbMrm9VTw )**

* * *

**XII. Innocent**

She shifted in the bed again. She was a little cold. Everything was too quiet for her taste, it was late at night and she felt uncomfortable. She was tired, but couldn't sleep. She had been two days since she started to stay at Darren's. He had been spoiling her a little bit: he was sure that she had undergone an emotional shock and needed to rest, he didn't let her to help with the chores except with cooking. He knew that was particularly relaxing to her. But his assistance had been in vain. She didn't close her eyes by two minutes in all those days. She sat up in the bed and looked out the window how the shadows of the night were playing outside the house. Darren had assembled another bed in a room that apparently didn't occupy, or had ever been a study and now was just a storehouse of memories. It was filled with books, boxes, and the air poisoned of that memories' scent. She didn't like that much being in that specific room. She preferred Darren's room. She shook her head, leaving those thoughts behind. The night before she got to sleep for a few seconds, or so it seemed; but the nightmares fiercely attacked her. Constantly reliving the past days. It was true, she was tired, and that was reflected in her haggard face. But she didn't know what she could do about it. For now she was merely trying that Darren authorize her further the housework in his apartment: one day was vacuuming the room, and the other one she could wash the sheets.

They respected exactly what they promised. While she was staying at his house, and she was grateful and they were fraternal with each other, they didn't flirt or even maintain excessive physical contact. Not that they hadn't thought about it, but the circumstances were weird enough already to further worsen them. He went to work early and come back after noon. They enjoyed the afternoon together but, as well begging to happen as quickly as possible, it was too hard not to think of the other in a romantic way.

She decided that this activity definitely didn't lead her anywhere, so she got up from the bed. She didn't bother to change her pajamas, it was after two o'clock so insurance Darren was in his ninth dream. She walked in his bedclothes into the kitchen, dragging her bare feet on the frozen ground. She was a little distracted, not paying too much attention to her surroundings. She ran a hand through her hair, as she opened the refrigerator and poured a glass of cold water. She drank a little, and glanced to the rest of the house, which was in darkness. She saw a figure sitting on the couch, and almost fell on her face in shock. After coughing a few seconds, due to her surprise jump, shouted:

"Shit, Darren, do you want to give me a heart attack?" He didn't answer. He didn't even look at her. He was bending over about something in his hands, and she could only see his serene profile. Lauren put the glass of water on the counter and slowly approached him. She forgot that didn't have too much clothes on. This time she calmed her voice "What are you doing here at this hours?"

She sat beside him. He had a book between his fingers. The moon shone vividly against the window, so that its light fell dimly upon them without needing artificial lights; the rest of the house dark. He looked so serious and quiet that she was a little frightened, and that atmosphere did nothing but highlight it.

It was a photo album, now she could tell. She said nothing. She bit her lip, and moved over to him to see better. He didn't even seem to have noticed that she was there, and didn't look at her. He didn't tell her to come over, but he didn't kick her out either. She was very surprised to find him awake so late at night. Did he suffer the same insomnia as her? This always happened or it was a special occasion?

A photography of him with two other boys, all in their graduation gowns and with their diplomas in hand, smiling, hugging; they seemed a few years younger. She could recognize Brian and assumed that the other one was Joey. The typical image that brings you full of memoires. Darren changed the page. The same three guys, this time less groomed than the previous one, on a small stage in a bar. Darren had the same guitar that she had seen in his arms, and a microphone placed in front of him, but at that time he wasn't using it; as usual, he was covered in sweat and concentrated in his task, she could see in his face that he loved what was doing. Brian was on the drums and Joey with a bass hanging with a strap from his shoulder, a microphone in front of him too, his right hand on the microphone and the left holding a glass of beer. Darren smiled at that picture. He changed the page.

Joey and him were sitting at the table of, she supposed, was the same bar, laughing and with lots of bottles on the table. They were a little more mature, she could tell. A typical guys-and-drinks night, but the photo was so spontaneous that it was adorable. In the next shot, she could see a demure Joey which was with a redhead woman in his arms, with a dazzling smile, wearing a huge wedding dress. That had been the couple which he had spoken to her, surely that image had been captured at their wedding.

The other photography was taken, apparently, at the same place where Joey got married, because the environment was similar, only this time the couple changed. Darren was smiling and holding a woman from the waist, both smiling, posing for the camera. Mia, she knew it instantly.

"At that time, she and Joey were already together." a snort " I found out after years from that."

Darren's expression changed. It seemed like he hated the man in that picture, which, as well, was himself. The page turning fiercely. Another photography. Mia resting on his shoulder, probably a slow song at the same wedding. Their expressions full of peace. Deceitfulness. Another page changed fiercely. Mia kissing him on the cheek. Mia hugging him after a concert. Mia smiling with her new engagement ring. His fingers ran quickly through the edge of the pages and the same image is repeated over and over again, mocking at him, macabre.

He was exasperated. Lauren felt her own heart cringed as his eyes filled with tears. A drop fell on that old photography, a second before the album was closed at once. Lauren interrupted his desperate search for something that she could not be sure what it was, she took the album in her hands and stood up from the couch, placing it, by the time, far away, under some magazines next to the TV.

She sat down beside him again. Darren had his hands on the sides of his head, clasping his hair, mad at himself; looking down at the floor and breathing intensely.

"Nothing was ever the same. Everyone thinks I'm exaggerating, but, you know what it is to lose the concept of a person? All that you cared about?" His voice was trembling. It was the first time Lauren heard him crying "I would have give anything for her. I didn't think I could be happy without her. And now everything is fucked up, what do I have to...?"

His words didn't have much sense, but Lauren understood. She felt the same. Memories advantage sleepless nights to attack, like a plague, and left you devastated, weak and desperate. It hurt her to see him cry. She never liked to see a man crying, and he more than anyone. She wrapped his right shoulder with her arm, and rested her head on the left one. That calmed him down a bit. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't save herself, how could she save him? She kissed him gently on the shoulder. She wanted to save him, even just him. He was too young, too kind, too beautiful to be that way.

"Hey," she whispered softly, forcing him to look up. His eyes were still watery "I think if we want to cuddle tonight, that would be okay."

Darren smiled sadly, and she took his hand, squeezing it gently. Of course she remembered what they promised, but they only would cuddle. And it would only be for that night. She couldn't bear to see him like that because she felt he didn't deserve it, that's all. Because he was still too innocent.

_"Just for tonight"_, she told herself, as she lied in Darren's bed. Closing her eyes, feeling how he pressed her against his chest as he played with her hair absently. At the moment she knew that no matter how many promises they made, there would be no better place than between his arms.


	13. Part I: Chapter 13

**A/N: ok so the song of this chapter is in spanish but it's cool so yall should listen it the same and it's different!**

**and don't hate me for the end I swear I'm a nice person.**

**Song: Aléjate de mí (Bachata version) - Camila ft Lenny Santos (on youtube /watch?v=OyeD0TPmJIM )**

* * *

**XIII. Go away **

He took a deep breath and a smile was sketched vaguely on his lips. A refreshing scent invaded his senses. He moved his hand gently, and consequently he squeezed a little Lauren's belly with it. She shifted a bit between the sheets, still sleepy, but didn't force him to get away. Instead, she moved closer to him. Darren could feel her in her entirety. Her legs were bare and they were softly rubbing against his. One of his hands clutching her belly, over thin Lauren's bedclothes. He could clearly feel the movement of her chest when breathing. At last she seemed so calm; just at his mercy, only in his arms. It was the first time he woke up next to her. That thought, somehow, comforted him. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the top of Lauren's head. Her hair smelled incredibly nice.

"I like this" he said softly. Lauren smiled in response. "It's nice to wake up, and you're by my side."

Something inside her shook at hearing those words. Nobody had ever said such thing to her. She didn't know how to answer. So she just put her hand over his and squeezed it. He continued whispering, but she was too sleepy to capture his ideas. She only knew that the tone of his incessant voice was relaxing.

Darren placed a kiss on her neck, and she closed her eyes. She wanted to fall sleep again, there, in his arms, with his breath on her skin, his voice singing words she couldn't understand. His lips came to her jaw, and by the time it felt so good that she let him to do. He bit her cheek and she broke into laughter. She felt he was smiling slightly against her face. Almost without she realized, he kissed her on the corner of her lips.

"No," she replied immediately, turning her head. He ruined the moment. "Don't do this" she said, with a serious tone. She sat on the bed, away from Darren. He just looked at her with a frown. He knew they had agreed to stay out of the romantic area, but if things were flowing, why they shouldn't let them? What was the problem? It seemed as if she had read his mind, because then clarified "I don't want you to attach yourself to me in that way."

What she really meant was that he didn't _deserve_ to attach himself to her in that way. Actually, she wanted him to do it, but she couldn't let it happen. He was already too lost.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, sitting up too. He was tired of staying with questions in his mind or having to eat his words down again. He wanted to know what was happening. "You're a good person. You were in bad circumstances. Bad situations. That doesn't make you a bad person."

Lauren shook her head. He was too innocent.

"You have a wrong image of me, Darren. I wasn't a poor wretch with no choice. I shuffled the cards and I choose the wrong ones. However, it was my decision."

Darren looked into her eyes. He was surprised because of the lack of emotion in her words. She didn't seem angry, but frustrated. He didn't know how to reply to her words.

"Actually I could have had a wonderful life..." she continued, after a few seconds, but Darren didn't know if she was talking to him or to herself "When I was little, my mother gave me everything to make it, to be successful in life. Acting classes, gymnastics, dance. Piano, languages. She bought me everything I needed for school. All of this, even though it was horribly hard to her to get any money." Her voice was sober, but it was low, partly as if she was ashamed to tell him. "She raised my sisters and me, all alone. She gave us her best and we had it all, everything that we wanted and everything that we needed. And yet, I managed to fuck up everything." She even spit a little ironic laughter at the end of the sentence.

"What happened to your father?" he intervened, trying to get her away from that subject that apparently affected her.

"I have no idea. I never knew him. My mom didn't want to talk about it. Surely to protect us. She always did everything to protect us..." and her last words got lost in the air. Darren knew that she wasn't describing the landscape at a hundred percent. He was learning that all the time she was hiding things.

"Lauren, none of this is your fault. Do you know that, right?"

She sighed, unanswered. He didn't understand. He couldn't. What was she trying to accomplish by spending the night with him? Allowing him to believe she was a victim of a screwed society. Letting him to worry about her, letting him to love her. The night before, seeing him so upset, she felt the need to rescue him, and that wasn't possible if she let him to attach himself to her. She was just going to sink him more. She began to hyperventilate. Everything was upside down.

She didn't belong there.

"I'm going to catch some air," she said curtly. She went to the room where she was sleeping temporarily, and put on some pants and a light jacket.

Darren followed her, confused, to the door. By the look on his face, he thought he said something wrong. She gestured with her hand to indicate she was going to go, before crossing the gate at full speed. She would explain herself later.

She walked at a trot, fearing that Darren followed her. She wanted a cigarette at the time, but she had nothing with her. She was dizzy again. She felt lost in a strange city, as had happened when she first moved to Chicago. It was still too early in the morning, the sun had not risen yet, but the day was clearing, and even there were crawling revelers returning home from the night before. The streets were deserted enough to be intimidating.

She walked as fast as she could, after a few minutes began to stop feeling her legs, but didn't care about that. She felt the need to go away, but she was not sure about what. She couldn't think straight, felt as if her body didn't belong to her, and she was watching her actions from a third person. Her legs were trembling. She was cold, and regretted not having more clothes on.

After nearly half an hour, she stopped at the curb. She knew that street. She glanced up and down the road. She saw a man trying to insert the key in the door of a house, a few feet away. Obviously he wasn't fully aware of himself, because he failed in his attempts to get the keys. She knew this man. Without knowing what the hell she was doing, approached him. She would probably regret it later. He smiled as he recognized her, one of those drunken smiles she knew so well; saying how long it had been since the last time he saw her. He said something about how he was doing, where she had been hiding… she couldn't really pay much attention.

"Hey, doll, listen," he said; he had a beer breath and stopped to dealing with the keys "My wife is at home, but if you have no problem, it's still early and I know an alley where no one will see us..."

That was where she belonged. Deserts alleys, drunken men who cannot put the key in the lock, beer breath. She was headed to an alley in the middle of nowhere, looking back to being who she was, leaving behind what she could have been. Moving away from her own feelings. Tying her past on her neck.

Maybe, it would hurt less in that way.


	14. Part I: Chapter 14

**A/N: this chapter is short and it might seem irrelevant but it's very important because of future reasons :o **

**and I hope it's clear the girl with Joe is not Lauren in this chapter**

**Song: Something in the way - Nirvana (on youtube /watch?v=rg-yYi8saZY )**

* * *

**XIV. Something in the way**

"Come here..." he whispered, smiling, holding her waist. She crossed her arms behind his back and forced him to kiss her. He used this movement to remove her bra. They shared a laugh over as they finished undressing themselves.

"Why so hasty?" she bothered him, and began to feel his thrusts against her. She bit hard her lip. "God, Joe..."

He muttered a few curses against her neck. He put his arms on either side of the thin young body of the woman on his bed, to support himself better. He rammed against her strongly. She moaned softly, catching his hips with her legs.

"Faster..." she begged, whispering in his ear.

He tried to increase the speed to please her, but he found it particularly difficult. He leaned further into his arms, and realized that the simple fact of being in that position required too much effort. It didn't make sense, he trained in the gym every day of the week; he never was physically tired. A burning began to arise from his throat. He slip off her and sat on the edge of the bed, the arcades almost drowning him. She leaned on her elbows, and simply observed him, worried. Joe leaned over his legs, struggling to catch some air.

He waited a few seconds, and the arcades became just a cough attack, and then completely disappeared. His eyes burned and still had a little trouble breathing, but he was better.

"Shit," he breathed, his voice hoarse. He reached out a little shaky up to the glass of whiskey that was lying on the bedside table. He took a few shots, and left the alcohol made effect in his body. Now he was a bit more relaxed.

"You're pale" the woman said; and she got even more worried. She gently stroked his head, and a few hairs got caught between her fingers. She showed him in dismay, but he acted like it wasn't a major obstacle, putting his jeans again "Joe, you need to go to the doctor."

"I'm not going to the doctor!" He snapped, enervated, as if her words seem a complete absurdity. He put on a white shirt and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. She began to dress, too, but didn't think about quitting the fight so easily.

"You're losing weight."

"Damn it!" He yelled, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth to be capable to take charge of the situation "Don't you want to leave me alone? If I'd like a controlling bitch, I would have stayed with Lauren."

She continued watching him, as if she was going to analyze what was wrong with him. He scared her a bit scared with his shouts, but she was used to it, so her concern was bigger. Joe growled, putting the cigarette back in his mouth:

"Fucking shit-"

And shut the house door. He went to Dylan's house, a few blocks from his, but getting there was costing him a big effort. He had run out of air when he entered the living room. He approached the poker game that had already started, exhaling the smoke from his lungs. Once he could think clearly, he regretted having treated that way to his partner. He regretted having treated that way to Lauren, too. To have dragged her to a hell of life.

"Do you play or not?" Dylan asked, handing him a drink. Joe nodded.

It was the only thing he wasn't too late for.


	15. Part I: Chapter 15

**A/N: This is one of the cutest moments of the story so I hope you enjoy *o* and i leave a video that will make you cry your eyes out yay but really the song is accurate to the story too!**

**Song: You'll be in my heart - Phil Collins (Tarzan Soundtrack) (On youtube /watch?v=JIVaUcE4kAM )**

* * *

**XV. You'll be in my heart**

"Are you sure you want another drink?" the barman asked behind the bar, with an accusing look. She gave him a fierce glance, so the boy immediately began to do what she ordered, "I was just saying..."

She exhaled deeply, to take courage, before drinking at once the alcohol from the glass. She winced as felt the liquid through her throat, and the burnt invading her womb. The adrenaline caused by the drink went through her body.

It had been a while since she "started to feel dizzy." Now she didn't even felt that. She didn't take her eyes off of the glass which was emptied and filled again on the canteen. She didn't used to drink very often, but still had some resistance to alcohol, but she simply passed out with the drinks this time .For some reason, she thought that getting drunk would made her forget about the shit she felt she was. She was wrong, it had only increased the pain of her sentences. She felt a twinge in her chest, she was sweating like hell, and she was sick of herself. The last feeling had never been so strong in her. She could still feel the movement of a strange men on her body, hearing hoarse voices and sharp hands on her skin; chills went through her body like a wave. She didn't want to continue with that lifestyle, and yet she was still falling in it over and over. At that moment, she hated herself. She wanted to get out of her body, stop being herself, having nothing to do with who she was.

She ran a hand through her hair, which was constantly falling down on her face. She saw a silhouette perched beside her, which remained motionless watching her a few seconds before speaking.

"Lauren?" The voice asked, obviously surprised but flattered. She turned and instantly recognized the young woman who was smiling at her.

"Charlene?" her voice sounded, weak.

Charlene was the only friend Lauren had in Chicago. She was the only one who could understand her, because she had the same lifestyle. They had known for years, and she always had been for her when she needed it. She really appreciated her.

She was a nice woman, but very sad. She had a lot in common with Lauren, but was a little older. She had grown up in New York in a middle class family. When she was 16, there was an attempt on her building, and unable to re-establish contact with her parents, she had to manage her life as was possible. She moved to Chicago as she had the opportunity, and unable to choose a different lifestyle (unlike Lauren), she settled down in a small residence with other friends who had been through similar situations. Lauren met her a few years later, when she was very young and very innocent; and Charlene regretted to be the responsible for showing the real life she was meant to. She supported whole nights in which the young Lauren wept on her shoulder that she wanted to go home, that she missed her mother's meals, family gatherings and the heat of her home. And she always recognized and thanked her for that.

"I haven't seen you for weeks. What are you doing alone in a place like this?" And she peered, realizing her state instantly. She wasn't conscious enough to invent herself as an excuse.

"I'm... drinking." she said, pointing to her glass to the barman. She wanted to forget about strangers, voices and hands.

"I see. You don't like to drink, Lauren, what happened?" Lauren said nothing, and point out the glass again to the barman. She didn't want and wasn't able to answer. "How long has she been here?" she asked, this time to the man behind the bar.

"For hours. I warned her long ago that it would be best to go home, but I don't think she can go anywhere in that state." he answered, getting closer to the bar with disinterest, with a bottle in his hand, to serve the next drink to Lauren. But Charlene stopped him.

"She had enough." She said, and Lauren immediately protested, but she gave her a stern look. "I'm taking you with Joe."

She shook her head repeatedly, shifting in her seat and resting her elbows on the table. Charlene saw that a little-girl rage was coming and took a deep breath.

"I don't want to see Joe..."

"You need to go home, Lauren, you are upside down."

"I'm fine." she bellowed "I don't want to go home. I don't want to go with Joe. I don't want to see him..."

"Why? What happened?"

Lauren put her hands on her head, frustrated by the lack of knowledge of her friend, and began to feel something vibrating in the pocket of her jacket.

"God, do it stop. It's been all day sounding..."

She could realize that she referred to her phone and, while Lauren was just rubbing her head with her hands as if she were suffering the migraine of her life, she took it from her pocket.

"Who's Darren?" she asked, looking at the phone screen.

"Darren..." sighed the girl, uncovering her face and looking at Charlene "Let me talk to him..."

She cut the call immediately, keeping the cell. She didn't know what was going on, but she wanted her to get out of there. They were beginning to capture the attention of the other diners.

"All right, you don't have to go with Joe. I'll see how I make you a place at my house, okay?"

"No..."she replied, she had another thought in her head now. "I want to see Darren. Take me with him..."

Confused, she frowned and repeated the question:

"Who's Darren?"

"I'm living with him now. I want to see him..." her words were a bit dragged but she understand them.

"You're saying nonsenses." Increasingly heads turned towards them "Let's go, I'll help you up." she said taking her arm.

Lauren tried to stand up all alone, but immediately had to hold to Charlene. She had never seen her lose her sobriety like this.

"Will you take me with Darren...?"'

Charlene sighed.

"I'll say Dylan to drive us."

The barman cleared his throat when saw them incorporated. Lauren, furious but at the time was rather comical, took from her pocket a substantial stack of bills and threw them over the bar.

"Keep the change" she snapped to the man, who just stared dumbfounded that huge amount of money.

"We were working hard today, it seems." Charlene said smiling, leading her friend to the exit. A few seconds before leaving, she made a sign to Dylan, who was having a beer with a group of friends. He was a good friend of her, so he didn't object to drive the girls. At a time he joined them, reacting with a hidden laugh at the image of Lauren.

The trio got into Dylan's car. It was a pileup, but retained its four wheels and somehow it moved. The two women were seated in the back seat. Lauren leaned back, closing her eyes, the dizziness had returned to be present in her body.

"I don't want people sleeping or throwing up in my car, okay?" Dylan said, but his tone was not entirely serious, as he started the car "Where do I take you?"

"Where does this boy lives, Lauren?" Charlene asked, still suspiciously.

"Uhm..." she stammered, everything was so confused in her head at that moment "in front of the Forever 21 store..."

"There are millions of those stores, honey, I need the address. Don't you want to go to Joe's?"

"No..." she replied, annoyed. She concentrated hard and after a few seconds could remember the address. The movement of the car increased even more her instability.

"Care to tell me something of this new character, Lauren?"

"He's an angel." she answered. She sounded amazed and sad at the same time. "I'm not sure who is he really, but..."

"Are you living with him?"

"Something like that..." she said, looking out the window, trying to control her dizziness. The effect of adrenaline of the alcohol wasn't that strong, she was now beginning to feel more and more tired. Charlene stopped to invade her with questions, but made sure she didn't fall asleep during the trip.

Lauren immediately recognized the sidewalk. The same sidewalk she had walked baffled due spending the night in the arms of a stranger, and the same sidewalk that she got out of a taxi convulsed by sobs. She made signs to Dylan to tell him, as she could; and he stopped the car. Still too drunk to remember to thank him, she got out of the car.

"Wait, I'll go with you." her friend said, she had no idea who this guy was and didn't want to leave her just like that.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Dylan asked.

"There's no need to. But watch for us from the car, just in case," Charlene replied, getting out the car. She hastened to take Lauren's arm, who was heading staggered to the door of the house. She knocked on the door and within a few seconds, it opened quickly.

"Lauren, my God, why didn't you answer my calls? I- what?" He managed to stutter when Lauren dropped herself as a dead weight in his arms. Charlene had failed to contain her.

"Sorry," she apologized, hiding her laughter "I met her in a bar drinking everything in her reach." There was a pause, Darren was reeling a bit trying to hold Lauren, who had clinging to his neck. "I'm Charlene."

"Oh, well I'm..."

"Darren, right? I've heard a little about yourself, but I didn't understand the story very much."

"Nobody understands it very much...uhm... what happened, exactly?" he asked, trying to look for signs on Lauren's face, but she hid it well in his chest. He didn't know whether to laugh or worry, so he stroked her back and she snuggled further. Then he noticed the smell of alcohol.

"I have no idea, but when I met her she wanted to come see you immediately. Sorry if we interrupt..."

"No, no." he reassured "Thanks for bringing her, she didn't answer my calls and..."

"Oh, that's my fault." She pulled the phone from her pocket and handed it over him. Lauren shifted in his arms, seemed about to fall asleep. The car horn sounded twice, and Charlene looked at Dylan nodding "I have to go."

"All right, thanks for..."

"No problem. Take care of her." she smiled and quickly got into the car, occupying the passenger seat.

"Are you going to leave her with this guy?" Dylan asked, slightly suspicious, as he started the car.

"He's a good guy. He's not going to hurt her."

"How do you know?"

"By the way he looks at her." Charlene said, smiling, looking at how he managed to close the door without dropping Lauren from his arms. "Joe knows she is staying here?"

"Today we were playing poker and apparently has no idea. I think he has the right to know, after all."

"Please, Dylan, for now don't say anything. We shall see. We will not get into what doesn't concern us." After a moment, he nodded, thinking to himself that it was the best, a mess that seemed too tight to try to untie. Charlene had her doubts too, she was more involved in the issue that she would like to be.

"I thought you were mad at me, why did you run away?" Darren lectured, taking her to her room, but his tone wasn't serious enough. He knew she was stunned, so even if his words were strong, he should talk softly on her ear.

"I'm sorry..." she said, but he only half-listened. She was hugging him tightly, Darren wasn't sure why; but he took her to the bed.

"What were you doing all day?" He asked smiling. Her condition seemed between funny and adorable. As a small child having a tantrum. "I was worried about you, in case you're wondering."

He managed to left her go slowly and laid her on the bed, this was only possible because she was about to fall asleep. He sat beside her.

"You want some water?" He asked, thinking that it might not be a good idea to leave her sleep so soon, but she shook her head. "Do you want to throw up?" She shook her head. Darren smiled, she was completely destroyed.

Her eyes narrowed, she groped his hands until she grabbed them. He saw she was whispering words that he couldn't hear, but didn't give too much importance, thinking they were just delusions of her drunkenness. Just for curiosity, he got closer to her lips to hear what she murmured, and her words tore his chest.

"I'm scared..." he heard her whispering, and an indescribable pain went through his chest.

He didn't know what could have her so scared. It could be a million things, and at that time he couldn't find out. He squeezed her hand back, and gently took a hair tuft that had fallen over her face. She had tears on her eyes.

"It's all right, Lauren, I'm with you, okay? I'm here. I'm not going to leave you alone."

He felt a horrible impotence to watching her suffer and unable to do anything about it.

"Don't leave me..." she said in a low voice, pressing his hand harder, but this time Darren heard her clear. Her eyes were closed, but he couldn't tell if she was having a nightmare or if she was actually awake and things were happening that terrorized at an extreme point.

"You're safe, you're with me."

He reached out his hand to turn off the lamp on the bedside table. He planted his lips gently on Lauren's forehead, and he felt her skin burning, probably due to the alcohol. He could see her silhouette, even in the darkness. The anger he had felt for her leaving, the laughter due her drunk's stuttering; everything was gone. At that time, he only felt her hand clasping his, wondering if she was asking for support or help.

And he just begged he was enough.


	16. Part I: Chapter 16

**A/N: Things start to get interesting :o**

**Song: The Muse - Darren Criss (On youtube /watch?v=j-RJRNbO4co )**

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**XVI. The Muse**

Darren was about to end one of the graphics on the computer, when he took a sip of his coffee. His fingers danced over the keys of the computer, before starting to transpose the data to the chart. However, he had other thoughts in his mind. It took him horrors for Lauren to let go his hand; so he could go to work. She didn't wake up at all, and with no choice, he had to spend the night at her side; although he didn't consider it something obnoxious. Apparently she suffered nightmares all night long, so he had to comfort her whispering some words in her ear until she calmed down again. He knew she was having troubles sleeping but didn't have idea they were so terrible.

Brian walked down the hall to his desk and leaned comfortably in it, giving him a suspicious look. He also had a cup of coffee in hand.

"You didn't sleep at all last night? You have some eye bags from here to the ground."

Darren rubbed his eyes a little before answering.

"No, I don't think I've got a little sleep, actually."

"What were you doing?" Brian asked, and his eyebrow rose.

"The neighbor's dog barked all night," he lied, pretending to concentrate on his chart, but the numbers were crossed in his head.

"Really? A dog?"

"Really." he explained, printing the graphics; the papers started to constantly slip on the desk. He took the stack of papers and tried to hand them to Brian "Could you give this to Rose? She needs to..."

"You didn't hear?" He asked, without grabbing the papers. He looked back to make sure no one in the office was listening to their conversation, and continued in a lower tone of voice "She got fired yesterday. It was a scandal."

"What happened?" Re-setting the charts on the desk, he took a few sips of his coffee.

"Apparently, she was sleeping with Ridley." Darren couldn't prevent a snort of surprise out of his mouth. Ridley was their boss, a chubby middle-aged but with excessive influence in the area. "Now we know why she went so many times a day to his office. Finally, the supervisor found out and made a not very pleasant visit to her yesterday afternoon. Earlier today she came to get her things. Ridley is looking for a new assistant, although I doubt that the next one do the things that I've heard Rose did."

"Woah, ok, too much information." Darren interrupted him, glancing at his cell phone. It was past noon. He remembered Lauren, she would had wake up well? Probably not. He thought about calling her, but couldn't do it in front of Brian. He didn't update him completely about the situation. He only knew that they had met a few more times, but had no idea about what really happened between them. No one had much idea, actually. But he'd do a scandal if he found out she was at his house in that moment. Then he smiled and looked at Brian, got up from his seat, it was almost his time to go home Hey, I started to play the guitar again."

"Are you kidding me?" he asked excitedly. He knew the lock that had been happening to him in the recent months. Darren nodded, and for the first time in a long time, proud of himself. "At Maggiano's they were looking for any type of musician to play at night. You should try for it" Said and patted him on the shoulder. Then he took a little note from his pocket, which handed it to Darren: it was the number of that place. Maggiano's was the restaurant where he had brought Lauren for lunch, a few blocks away. The owner was a good friend of Brian.

"No, I'm not going to return to that area, I don't think that could work. It's just a hobby." he answered, preparing his briefcase to leave the office.

"Anyway, I'm glad you're back on the board again." Brian congratulated him. Darren smiled and left the office.

He made the trip to home in the car. When he crossed the threshold he found Lauren lying on the couch, the television was on, but with the volume low and she was not paying attention to it. He smiled as he put his jacket on the dining room's chair.

"How do we wake up today?"

"Terribly." she interjected, running her hands over her face and through her hair "Would you mind speaking lower?" she snapped, sitting up.

"Would you mind explaining exactly what happened last night?" he said, approaching her. Lauren merely observed him with a frown on her face. She remembered just a little or nothing of what had happened last night. She knew Charlene had brought her and then she fell asleep.

"What happened last night?"

"You don't remember anything?" Darren scoffed "And I could hardly get you off me."

Yes, now she remembered. She couldn't avoid the colors on her cheeks when she blushed. She could feel them burning strongly. She felt a horrible shame, how it was possible that she did that? Darren's smile got wider at her reaction.

"But seriously, Lauren, what happened? I was worried."

"I had a little crisis." Lauren replied, dismissively, as she walked away from him (his closeness and constant eye on her made her nervous); and took the coat he had left on the dining room chair to put it in the washing machine. "Too many memories, that's all."

She couldn't tell him that the real reason that she was frightened were the feelings that were building for him.

"Are you sure that's all? You know you can talk to me."

_She could?_

She checked his coat pockets to make sure not to put anything to ruin in the washing machine; so she took the keys, some bills and a note and put them on the counter.

"Maggiano's? That place sounds familiar." She asked, trying to change the subject. Darren replied, as he sat on the couch and started playing some chords on the guitar, unconcerned:

"It's the restaurant near the office. Brian gave me the number. They are looking for someone who plays some background music, and he thought I would agree..."

"That's fantastic." Lauren's face had lit up with her smile. She approached him taking small jumps, with note in hand "You have to!"

Darren grimaced with his lips, revealing that the idea didn't convince him.

"I don't know, I don't think that return to the professional level is something I need. Especially now."

"No need to _return to the professional level._" She imitated his voice, and sat beside him. He was still more focused in his guitar that in the conversation. "It's the same thing you do in here, but you can get a little money of it. Only a few days, you have to try. It cannot be that bad."

"I will, with one condition." He answered. He had stopped playing guitar.

"Anything." She replied, pressing the note in her hands. For some reason, she was excited for him to return to doing what he loved.

"You have to go with me."

'All right, but you must do something before. 'She agreed, smiling, and looking into his eyes.

"Are you going to put a condition my condition? That's not how it works."

"Yes. You need to buy a new guitar." She could see the disappointment on his face, so she quickly added. "I know that it was with you during big moments, but also during others not so great and not so good. All I ask you is that you get rid of this." And she ran her hand through the dedications on the wood. She knew he was probably going to refuse, because she was asking him to delete one of his best and strongest memories, but she wasn't going to support him if she had to read the name of the woman who made him suffering like that. Finally, to the surprise of even herself, Darren nodded. "And another thing," she added, laying her hand on his shoulder "You have to play that song that you played to me the other day..." and she thought about it, she couldn't remember the name, so she started whispering recited sentences that she managed to remember _'She made me feel so alive, but as consequence I want to be dead...'_

"The Muse?" he started playing the first chords and Lauren nodded instantly. "All right, that will be the opening song..." Lauren said and kissed him on the cheek, laughing, the emotion was coming out through her pores.

They never imagined that, within a time, the lyrics would become too true as to handle.


	17. Part I: Chapter 17

**A/N: This is a very big change in the story and also the next chapter is the last one of the first part so yep... the song and the video are specially relevant too! enjoy and review xx**

**Song: The A Team - Ed sheeran (on youtube /watch?v=UAWcs5H-qgQ )**

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**XVII. The A Team**

She adjusted the ribbons of her boots the faster she could, and straightened her jacket, standing up from the bed. She tried her heels didn't land so heavily on the ground, so they wouldn't cause any sound. She didn't worry too much, as she could clearly hear the melodies of Darren's guitar in his room while she was walking, his voice singing softly. She approached the door and in the exact moment she opened it, a chill wind wave hit her body with ferocity. She crossed her arms, watching the streets began to depopulate, while breezes moved her hair from side to side. The owner of the Forever 21 store was closing the store and going home. He glanced at her, standing in the doorway of the house, not moving; but didn't pay much attention to her. It was too damn cold. She leaned against the door frame. She didn't want to leave the house, but it had been more than a week and had to begin to mobilize. Furthermore the situation where she was. Although the independence she had decided to get, she must walk past the first step; however, she was only giving pathetic slaps forward.

A month ago going out to the streets wasn't a problem, a sacrifice or an effort to her. Now all of it scared or disgusted her. But that was what she had chosen, how could she complain now? She raised a foot minimally, almost touching the floor, and when she was about to land it on the sidewalk, a voice rang out a few yards away, inside the house.

"Where are you going?"

Lauren said nothing. The wind was giving her the goose bumps. Darren had left the guitar in his hands against the couch and approached her.

"What happened?"

His voice always sounded so comforting, so close. It never seemed like he was yelling at her. Lauren waited a few seconds before turning back to him. Her hair whipped her face.

"I'm scared" she finally confessed, meeting his eyes. "The last time the police said that if they catch me again, they could sentence me."

She looked toward the street, like if she was afraid that someone had heard her. Darren slammed the door shut, and she gave a small jump in her place, otherwise she would had been crushed by it.

"Lauren, listen. I say that because I think you haven't done it at all so far. You don't have to, and_ you can't_ live like this anymore."

"What do you think I could do?" she replied, her voice almost a shout "I didn't go to college, and with the reputation that I have earned, no one would hire me."

Darren took her arm. He remembered something and he didn't care that Lauren was upset with him.

"There is a job available at the office. Secretary. You can ask for this job." he said, smiling, as if it was an obvious solution, but she wasn't convinced.

"I don't have the formation to..."

"You don't need formation. Only contacts. I think I can help you with that" he assured her.

"Really?" Her face had finally lit up with a smile. When she smiled, it was when Darren thought she seemed more beautiful than ever. "Why do you help me so much, Darren? I'm a mess..."

"You are..." he confirmed, his other arm circled her waist and moved closer to her ear to whisper, "but for some reason, I feel the need to fix you."

Lauren breathed the overflowing breath of his neck and ran her hands up his arms before gently getting off between them. Darren smiled, rejected; as he took the guitar again and sat on the edge of the couch, playing with the strings in his fingers, while Lauren went quickly to start making dinner. He noticed her nervous after that situation.

"Why are you always so hurry, Lauren?" he asked, but his tone was versed, as if he was singing, it didn't seemed like he was talking to her "What are you trying to escape from?"

She didn't answer. Neither believed it necessary. As she opened the cupboard, felt the frozen wind whipping her body again. The window was closed, so it was impossible. Part of her regretted having escaped from Darren's embrace. It was cold and she wasn't able to keep herself warm.


	18. Part I: Chapter 18

**A/N: Ok so this is the last chapter of the first part! And as you can read in the title it's extremely important in the story, one of the most important moments. **

**(If there IS someone reading this omg) - I don't know if I'm gonna keep publishing the story in here. I was thinking maybe wattpad or archive of or own or something (Tumblr is out because I dislike posting stories in there), but I'm not sure yet. I'm not sure about the reactions it can cause if somebody reads it, because it's very intense and serious and it has parts very delicates (yah I know, even more!). However, I shall see what I do. You can contact me by PM or to my e-mail ( . at hotmail at com) for any doubts. I'm already glad if someone has got here with me :) xxxx**

**Song: If it kills me - Jason Mraz (on youtube /watch?v=KBBMNJPk5qo )**

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**XVIII. If it kills me**

Lauren had to control herself to not to bite her nails. It was a bad habit she had since her childhood; but in then, every time she did it her mother responded with a gentle pat on her hand. She had tried to completely remove that habit, and didn't succeed, but at least she remembered her mother whenever she was attacked by anxiety.

Her sight was fixed on the door that was down the hall, on the opposite site of the room in which she was sitting in. Although she thought that if everything went wrong, at least she had managed to buy herself a decent suit. She fixed her skirt, and crossed her legs, shifting in her seat; her foot had begun to move in a nervous tic. She couldn't prevent that the anxiety took over her to that state, even though, actually, the interview had gone well. She thought she answered all the questions correctly and had been friendly and polite, it wasn't like she didn't know how to do it. The bureau chief seemed quite elitist and wasn't too pleasant, but she could deal with him.

The door opened, and she heard Darren exchanging a few quick dialogues with his boss (Mr. Ridley, if her memory didn't fail her). The door closed and Darren walked down aisle with downcast eyes. Lauren bit her lip, no one else was in the hallway, why he didn't say anything? He stopped in front of her sit, and she stood up immediately. He looked up, smiled, and nodded approvingly with his thumb up. Lauren felt her heart skipped a beat, smiling in return, as she hugged Darren.

"Are you serious?"

"The job is yours." he assured her, stroking her back "I don't think the interview was even necessary, but it is always better to be sure."

Her smile was so wide that it was contagious. It seemed she had not yet assimilated what he was saying. She never had a real job. She didn't doubt she could do it, but it seemed too much to be true. Since she could remember, she had to denigrate herself to get money. She hadn't even imagined that she could ever do something else, even in jest. Leaving that lifestyle would be the biggest change of her early twenties.

"How I can thank you for all this?" she asked, getting away from him a bit.

"You could begin by accepting my invitation to dinner." Lauren gave him a suspicious look. "Only dinner! As friends... or roommates ... or ... whatever we are. Nothing more. It's my opening night, you have to go."

"A dinner, nothing more." She warned, and Darren waved his fists in the air in sign of victory. She just left out a laugh in response. Finally, things seemed to be okay.

A few hours later, Lauren was sitting on one of the tables closest to the stage, listening to the last tunes from the closing song of the little show. She had eaten all the salad she ordered. Darren had insisted that she should dine without him because he probably had to play for over two hours, but she wanted to wait for him, even though at that time she was undoubtedly hungry. Opening night couldn't have gone better. Darren had forgotten his lyrics twice, and at one point the bottle of water slipped out of his hand, but he knew how to handle the situation and at a first sight the public had enjoyed his music. She clapped, proud, when the last harmony was lost in the murmur of the people. Darren thanked the audience, stepped down from the platform and walked over to Lauren. He was sweating like hell; he drank the remaining water from his bottle and ran a towel over his face, but he had a smile from ear to ear.

"You were amazing." she assured him, as he sat down beside her, and patted his arm. He was smiling, it was obvious that he enjoyed meeting with his old passion "You must be exhausted, do you want to order now?"

He nodded and waved to the waiter. While ordering, Lauren put the guitar in its case, to help him a little. It was still shining; she went with him to buy it, to ensure that he would meet his part of the deal. She thought that maybe, someday, she might have the honor of writing her own dedication in that guitar. But she didn't drill herself with thoughts about the future. He had bought a new guitar and also opened the show with The Muse, she couldn't have asked for more.

"It had been years since I played in public for the last time." Darren said, wistfully, leaning back in the seat. That gorgeous smile never faded from his face "It brings back so many good memories…"

"That's great, but it's time to build some news of it, don't you think?"

Darren nodded.

"Thank you for forcing me to do this." His words were sincere. Lauren smiled.

"I think it's the least I can do after you saved my ass... how many times? A dozen?"

"Approximately..." he replied, raising his eyebrows. Continually admiring the platform which had left, like if the idea that he had been playing on it wasn't fully processed in his head yet.

The waiter brought a bottle of wine, and Darren poured some of it into the glasses of both. Lauren took a few drinks, and smiled, looking around, now that there was no music, the atmosphere seemed a bit empty. She was wearing a pony tail, and a lemon-colored short dress. She was really beautiful that night. She always was, but this time she seemed to shine. It was the first time he saw her really dapper. She also seemed genuinely happy, a state in which Darren hadn't seen her many times since she knew her. He felt like he should give her some gift at that moment: some flowers or jewelry, simply due the fact that she was stunning. It was something he had thought about before, but he knew she wouldn't accept it. She was still clinging to the idea that there shouldn't be any more than a brotherly bond between them. Darren was still not sure why, but had stopped trying to figure it out. He limited himself to just enjoy her company, while she was there.

The food arrived within minutes, and Darren tried to give her some advice about the work, instruct her to her first day. It was nothing too complicated, mostly just had to deal with answering phones, managing emails and sending and receiving paperwork. He could also be given the freedom to tell the latest gossips that were in the office, nothing too frightening, but enough to keep her abreast of the situation. He couldn't help rejoicing: having her in the office meant more hours with her. He didn't like to leave her in the morning, didn't know what madness could go through her head, and at this point he was aware that was always a possibility.

But the day had gone too well already. They were about to finish their dinner, and had shared laughs, talks and had a good time, one of those days that is well kept between memories. About to run the fork to his mouth again, Darren saw a pairing walking across the front door of the restaurant, and a knot suddenly installed in his throat. He left the utensils on the plate, and his gaze followed the couple which, without even noticing his presence, crossed among the guests and took seats on the opposite side of the restaurant. He couldn't help sticking his gaze on them. Lauren saw his face had darkened, and, worried, asked:

"Are you okay?" Getting no response, she tried to find out where his gaze aimed "What's happening?" It took her a few seconds to spot Joey and Mia holding hands and whispering in each other's ears, between a few laughs. She bit her lip. It was exactly what he didn't need at that moment.

"We're going" he said. It was the first time she heard the tone of his voice as authoritative: it wasn't a question, it was an order. He called the waiter with a wave of his hand and quickly handed her a few bills, as he pulled on his coat. Lauren was quick to do the same "Keep the change" he said to the waiter as he rose from his seat. The waiter observed the couple a little suspicious; the boy was actually pretty scary at that point. He looked so quietly mad.

"Are you okay?" Lauren asked again, following him to the door. She had to walk at a very fast speed to keep up. Darren said nothing.

He just gave her enough time to get in the car before he started up. He accelerated the car at full speed. Lauren put on a seat belt, and watched for several minutes the face of his companion.

His eyes were fixed on the road. The speed increased by every second. The car vibrated slightly. His eyes weren't watery, but had an air that Lauren hadn't seen before. She couldn't say for sure that it was sadness. She didn't dare to ask one more thing on the way home. He was even a bit scary. It was the attitude that she had seen in Joe a millions of times, when they fought. But she always saw Darren as the opposite of Joe, she hadn't seen similarities between them.

Each time the car swerved, the sound of the tires burning against the ground stunned her. She feared that Darren continued through a red light, and some tragedy could happen. He was not wearing a seat belt. Still, she didn't say a word. His knuckles, closed on the steering wheel had turned white due to the force with which his fingers were closed around it.

When they reached the sidewalk of the house, the car stopped with a flash of the tires and a sudden blow. Their both bodies leaned forward slightly, before becoming a completely silence and no movement. Darren didn't move for a few seconds, and Lauren didn't dare to do it so. It was only after almost half a minute, when he left the car and went into the house as if not noticing anything that was happening around him. At that time, Darren was the eye of the storm, she knew. Lauren took off her seat belt, and followed in his footsteps, she had lived a similar situation several times before and didn't want to repeat it.

She entered in the house and saw the empty kitchen. She toured the dorms, and it wasn't until a few seconds after she spotted the light from under the bathroom door. She didn't dare to speak or to get too close.

Darren was with his hands on the edges of the bathroom's sink and the whole weight of his body on it. His breathing was heavy and slightly accelerated. He didn't know how he felt. This wasn't depression, or anger; perhaps a bit of both. He had a discomfort in the chest and throat, and his hands were trembling. He didn't think to be able to speak. He looked up and saw his own face, pale at that time, reflected in the mirror. Again, he had let the same issue affected him. Although he promised that would never happen again. He hated that, he hated to see that image. The anger took control of his body for two seconds, and his fist went, in a gesture of frustration, towards the mirror, and his pale face broke into small pieces. Some pieces of the mirror fell over the sink and around it, and the rest was only split. After the crash, he took his hand off in a quick reflex, instantly regretting it. A groan came out of his mouth when he felt a sharp pain, and drops of blood began to flow from his knuckles, trickling down his arm and his clothes.

What happened? Are you okay?" Lauren's voice sounded from the other side of the door. Soft, almost like the voice of a little girl, but worried at the same time.

Darren didn't answer, still felt like he couldn't speak clearly. His brain hadn't processed anything beyond what he had seen in the restaurant. And his image in the mirror, breaking into pieces. A few drops of blood fell to the ground, and he just stood by and watched their way. He felt like sedated, everything around him was going too fast and he was moving too slowly.

"Darren, I'm coming." Announced Lauren, as there was no response received.

She opened the door and stood a few seconds static, watching the disaster, before biting her lip and entering. She opened the medicine cabinet beside the mirror, and looked at what was inside, but closed it again without having taken anything; that didn't surprise him, he had not updated that kit for years.

"Wait here," she ordered, leaving the room.

She returned after a few moments, with a container and a bandage on hands. She had gone to check one of the few properties that had brought from Joe's. She left both on the closed lid of the toilet; she took a towel and went to Darren: She noticed that he had been astonished, unable to move. She took his hand and began to gently cleanse the blood that had been drained by his hand and arm, avoiding the wound per se. He could use those seconds to see her; she wasn't looking at his face, focused in her task. He knew that she only had taken his hand to provide help, but he couldn't help but feeling her soft touch. He felt like a 5 year old boy who was crying because he fell off the bike.

Then she undid the towel and took the package that was on the toilet seat.

"It's an aloe from my mother" she explained, spreading a little on her own hand. "It hurts a little but it'll heal faster" she continued, and began to put it on the wound. It burned him a little, but her touch was so soft he barely felt it. "When I was little I got hurt all the time, and my mother sat me on the bed and she put me this as she gave me a sermon. I used to cry, cry for everything. But this is miraculous..." she said, and couldn't help but smiling slightly, a little lost in some distant memory. Every time she remembered something, that minimal emitted smile was in her face.

When she decided that was enough, took the bandage and began to donning it around the wound, very slowly and carefully. It was only then that she truly examined the rest of his body, and saw that even a few drops of blood had reached his shirt. She remembered why she was doing that.

"What happened?" she asked. Her voice was still soft.

He hesitated a moment before replying.

"I slipped by accident." He replied, his voice hoarse.

Lauren finished wrapping the bandage on his hand, she folded it upon itself so it wouldn't drop. She didn't let go his hand of within hers; almost as if she didn't realize that she was still holding it, and looked him in the eyes:

"Do you still think about her, right? You still love her." Her words came out with a mixture of concern and frustration. She spoke as his best friend and an ex girlfriend, worried and jealous at the same time. Darren let out a sigh.

"I don't know, Lauren. I don't know what I want. I can't stand the thought of returning to her. But I can't stand the thought of her being with another person. And less... my best friend... or who was my... I ... I just don't know."

She could see the confusion on his face. She held his hand, this time with determination. She felt sorry for him, but not in a bad way: she could understand what was happening to him and his pain hurt her too.

"I know it seems hard now but..." she directed her free hand to his head. Her fingers squeezed the curls on the side of his face. Darren closed his eyes as he felt the stroke "You'll be fine." A faint smile crossed her complexion.

Again he thought she was incredibly beautiful and depressing. And an adjective complemented the other one.

As a Nietzsche's text.

"Why do you always look so sad, Lauren? You are so beautiful..." he didn't even think why he said that, the words just came out of his mouth. Lauren looked at him, surprised, it seemed like he hadn't heard anything of what she said, and suddenly, the issue of the restaurant was gone.

"What are you saying...?" she asked, trying to see where she was standing, but flattered at the same time. She hadn't even noticed that her fingers were still playing carelessly with his curls.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. That's what I'm saying." he finally snapped. Lauren couldn't help but laughing, but he continued with a straight face. He always managed to surprise her. "Look at me." he ordered, against the jokingly attitude that she had acquired; he grabbed her waist with his good hand, pulling her closer to him. She had no choice but to look into his eyes: she always avoided them, but for the only reason that they intimidated her, they were too deep, she felt like they were examining her completely. "You're beautiful, have you ever noticed? I can't stop staring at you for a second."

"You're insane." She said. Now that she had dropped the bandage, she didn't know where to put her hands. She looked down, unable to hold his gaze for a second longer. It was too powerful. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Why?" he asked, his bandaged hand took her chin, forcing her to raise her face. Forcing her to hold his gaze.

"I feel like your eyes look right into my soul. It bothers me."

"Do it bothers you if I stare at you?" That phrase was a bit funny, but Darren kept in his sobriety. Lauren's face was too close, he could feel her breath on his lips. His nose was touching hers, and Lauren, not knowing where to put her hands, had left them on his chest. A tiny part of her still was remembering that she didn't have to get involved with anyone in that way. With him less than anyone.

"Yes." she replied. Her voice weak.

"Don't you feel the same way? When I look at you," his eyes fixed, dilated, on hers, "when I touch you," and his hands closed more tightly around her waist "when I kiss you?" he wasn't sure if the last sentence was a question, not sure whether it was him who kissed her or if it was her; but barely managed to finish the last word before his lips crashed against hers, it was an intense kiss, a little furious. Lauren's hands moved from his chest to his neck and pulled him closer to her, thus deepening the kiss. He hugged her by the waist. He couldn't think of anything but her lips moving steadily on his.

Lauren couldn't deny: Darren was a good kisser. It was one characteristic of him that was driving her crazy. Her heart raced every time she felt his lips on her, she wanted to scream. In revenge, she bit his lower lip before separating to catch some air.

"Ouch." Darren complained, smiling, but without releasing her "Is that better? Are not you going to put that sad smile again?"

Lauren rested her head on his shoulder, and he began to kiss her neck. His lips didn't stay still for a second. She moaned softly. She felt he took her by her thighs to lift her up, and hurried to cross her legs around his hips to not fall to the ground. He placed a trail of kisses from her neck to the side of her mouth, as he carried her to the bedroom. He left her standing in the bed, but she dropped back and took him along. She couldn't help it, she missed to sleep in his bed: his sheets were soft and were full of his smell, she felt comfortable.

She resumed the kiss even more intensely, as she began to unbutton his shirt, he had already started to move a bit against her, to feel her more, and she responded. She didn't know if she felt the same, but whatever it was, was driving her crazy. Her hands trembled and her task got difficult. Darren noticed it and he stopped the kiss, he had each arm on either side of her body, so she could already felt his weight on her, but he was still relaxed.

"Shhh, quiet. No need to fill any expectations today." He whispered, trying to calm her down; stroking her hair softly "I want to know what you like and what you don't, I want you to be yourself. I want to know you, Lauren."

"You already know me." She replied. Darren shook his head.

"I want you to tell me if you want me to talk to you or not. If I'm going too slow or too fast. If you want me to turn on or turn off the lights. If you want me to hold you or you prefer to hold me."

"Hold me, and then let me go." She said, and managed to unbutton the rest of his shirt in a short movement and taking it off "Talk to me. Then shut up. Go slow and then go fast." She ran her hands through his back, and upon reaching his ass, pushed him gently and Darren rammed her womb. "I don't want you to know me..."

His words were already obvious to him. I don't want to_ be vulnerable._

He decided to reply with actions instead of words: he took her jaws and planted a kiss on her lips, angrily. Lauren arched her back to get another one of Darren's thrusts against her. Her body wanted him so bad. She gasped against his lips, closing her eyes. Despite the words he had spent; he couldn't avoid the despair, his touch injected adrenaline in her.

His hands made their way down her back, and slowly unzipping down that lovely lemon-colored dress. As he pulled the dress, his fingers carefully brushed her shoulders, her chest, her belly... and Lauren tried to not respond that much to that brush, trying to not show her anxiety, but he was going really slowly. She couldn't stay still.

Darren smiled. He could tell she was holding herself.

"I love that you're so sensitive. I like to see you respond to me. Don't hide it."

He kissed her again, this time in a calm, relaxed way. His lips traveled down her neck and traced a trail of kisses between her breasts, and reaching her belly. His hands caressing her breasts, getting under her bra. Lauren's pulse had increased considerably. The night when they first met she had been bombarded by very different feelings, yes; but not as intense as these ones. She didn't know what had changed, but at the time she couldn't stop removing in bed, her irregular breath sounding heavily, her skin wanting more. Darren's tongue was moving around her belly button, and couldn't prevent that it seemed extremely sensual to her. No one had ever done that to her. He partitioned kisses around her belly and over her hipbones. Lauren felt the heat rising over her underwear, and she thought she couldn't resist more. Darren's lips were touching the seam of her panties... she threw her head back on the pillow, and called in a broken voice:

"Darren..."

He answered to her voice instantly, and kissed her lips, while unbuttoning her bra charge. Lauren lowered the zipper of his tight jeans and felt how hot and tight everything was down there. She hurried on taking off his pants; and he, as he nibbled on her earlobe, groped the bedside table to find a pack of condoms.

It was himself who had told Lauren to take it easy, and yet now was he who had trembling hands to put on the condom. Lauren noticed the problems, and sat on the bed next to him, and gathering all the willpower she could find to calm down, she took the condom from his hands and put it herself, slowly and carefully. Darren closed his eyes as she did so; he placed his hands on her hips and squeezed them tightly.

"I like when you do that." She said. "When you put your hands around me and it seems like you're not going to ever let me go. It makes me feel safe."

At the end of the matters, his speech had worked: she began to open up to him. He hugged her, and gently laid her again on the bed. He removed her underwear and slip into her slowly, he took his time to feel the different intensity of spasms that roamed her the deeper he went.

"Oh, God..." Lauren gasped, the tone of her voice as if she were on the verge of an attack "You're... you're really hard."

He smiled before kissing her, and along with that kiss he made the first thrust. She took him by the neck so he wouldn't separate from her lips. She tried to move at his own pace, but Darren whispered:

"Honey, don't rush... I want to feel you. I want you to feel me." He was moving so slowly, it seemed like torture. Lauren felt like he was taking her to the edge and back to the same place. What a torment.

It was also difficult for him, his cock throbbed and ached, begging for more. But he wanted to watch, he wanted to see every expression on her face, every gesture of being close to losing her sanity, every drop of sweat that traveled over her skin, every reflection of her body.

Lauren's hands went from his neck to his hair, and squeezed it, while a moan escaped from her throat. Her eyes were closed and she knew Darren's were not, she knew he had his face literally on hers and he was staring at her carefully.

"Look at me..." he repeated. It was difficult for him to speak; his breathing was speeding up as the speed of his thrusts. They weren't still strong, but a bit faster. Lauren opened her eyes. "You are beautiful. You don't have to look down all the time."

She nodded. She settled more on the bed so that way he could hold her tighter. They were so close, he could only see half of her face. One hand was closed tightly on his neck, while he noticed how she began to tighten her parts, locking herself closer to him. A wave of pleasure went through him up and down, and an audible groan rang against Lauren's ear. She relaxed the muscles of her parts, and the wave disappeared.

Lauren, my god, please..." he begged.

But he knew what she wanted. He increased the speed of his movements, and they became full-fledged thrusts, he could define exactly when he got the deepest, when he touched the sensible point of the woman under his arms, when she bit her tongue asking for more...

Then she returned to contract her muscles, and became so fucking tight and so fucking perfect that he couldn't take it anymore. The bandaged hand was on her jaw that he took to kiss her, and the other one around Lauren's back, squeezing her harder than ever, and a gasp merged with unintelligible words snoring against the girl's mouth; who arched her back writhing in all directions, in a groan that was almost a scream and words which almost came out but didn't take form. He saw her eyes dilate as he poured into her, and that seemed more important than anything else.

They stayed in that position for a few seconds, catching their breath again, but Darren's arms began to tremble because of tiredness, so he leaned his back on the bed, but didn't released her. He was taking her by the waist and she rested on his chest.

"Will you be by my side when I awake?" He asked, taking the sheets that had been tangled on the side of the bed, and covering them both.

Lauren nodded, snuggling into his neck.

"I'm sorry that the promise didn't work." He said, but he didn't really sorry.

"Darren... we broke the promise even before we made it."

He smiled. He placed a kiss on her forehead, settling over the sheets. Lauren closed her eyes slowly and he felt how she was getting relaxed in his arms, falling asleep. This time he was sure she wouldn't leave in the middle of the night. She had looked into his eyes as she reached her orgasm.

She was his.

But the words "I don't want you to know me" buzzed in his head again. The first block of the wall was destroyed, now he must figure out how to take down the rest. But he was sure about one thing: He would find a way to her, even if the wall fell down on him. He would find a way to her, even regardless of the consequences.

He would find a way to her, even if it killed him.


	19. Part II: Chapter 1

**A/N: Weeeell yes I'm updating the second part too as long as I can I'll put it here (And as long as someone reads because otherwise its too much work lol). If my account is being shut down at any moment it's because someone who wasn't supposed to read it, found this and I'm gonna die? haha well for now I bring this intro to the second part of the fanfiction. Lauren and Darren seem to be together now so this is going to be interesting ;) I hope you enjoy. **

**Song: Change - Taylor Swift (On youtube /watch?v=B1jYllE0T-k )**

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**Part II**

**I. Change.**

Lauren knocked the door and awaited on the entrance mat; feeling that evening's cold wind softly fondling her ankles and calves. She was wearing a long skirt, a coat and boots. She started to overdress herself a little more since she didn't have the need to hint anything with her looks. It was weird getting used to it but she enjoyed that; she was more comfortable. Although, she was a little nervous going to that neighborhood alone, it was a dangerous zone. She did reject Darren's invitation to drive her, so she left the house before he came back from work; it'd be very weird for him to be there, in that environment, and Lauren didn't want him to be involved with those networks.

She released a smile when the door opened and saw a long slim familiar figure behind the door frame.

"Lauren, oh my god." Charlene gasped, surprised but flattered by her visit. She didn't wait to stretch her arms and gave her a tight long hug.

Lauren hugged back. "It's been a while, huh?"

They didn't see each other since Charlene left a highly drunken Lauren in a stranger's house, which was a while ago. Both girls stepped inside the little house, and Charlene invited her to have a seat on the couch. The place consisted of a precarious kitchen-little living room; a bathroom and three different bedrooms. It wasn't really a nice place; but they had to take what there was at their reach. But that place was loads of times Lauren's refuge when things weren't so good; her friend would cover her with a blanket and offered to be her crying shoulder. She lived with two other girls in the same circumstances as her. These girls switched since Lauren knew her; in that moment she didn't know any of them, at least when hearing her friend saying their names.

When she sat down she couldn't help but to get her attention drawn by some weird noises coming from one of the bedrooms. She frowned, and babbled a little tying to ask, not knowing the properly way to do it.

"Are they… are they having…?" Lauren mumbled.

"Um, yeah, probably." Charlene replied, grimacing awkwardly. She could notice she didn't want to receive the visits in that way. "The cups are everywhere. It's not worth to take the risk of going to the streets anymore. It's better like that."

Lauren nodded. She realized the girl looked sad. Her words had a tinge of bitterness. She was about to ask her, when Charlene interrupted her:

"So, Lauren, tell me. How are you? We couldn't have the chance to talk correctly the last time."

"I'm great… I really am." She confessed, excited. "I've never been so good before."

"Really? So, what are the news?" she raised her eyebrows, intrigued.

"Do you remember Darren? This guy I've been kind of living with for a while." Charlene nodded. "Well, at the start he was just helping me to get through a bad time by offering me his house and a job and- he's so kind, Charlene, you couldn't believe it. And, the thing is- we're kind of dating now. Like, I'm not sure, but we've been together these days. He's… he's just amazing, I don't know how I bumped into someone like him." she admitted, and her friend smiled, even more excited, hearing her story. She seemed like a teenage totally in love again. She missed to see that Lauren.

"That's incredible, you deserve this so much." She said, honestly. She knew the bad times that she had been having, especially referring to Joe. "But well, are you planning to get serious with this guy?"

Lauren opened her mouth, and struggled a little with the words before answering. She didn't think about that. "Geez, I don't know, actually. I-"

"Lauren, you can't let him go." She interrupted, scandalized. "You know that. He's good for you. You need that. I would do anything for something like that." She finished, and her last sentence broke in half. Her sad looks converted into a cry. She had her eyes watery. Lauren didn't know exactly what was happening; Charlene always seemed so strong and unbreakable.

"Oh, honey, things will get better for you too." She assured; and while Charlene covered her face with her hands, resting her elbows over her knees; Lauren wrapped an arm around her shoulder and tried to comfort her.

Usually it was the other way around. But she said to her some recovery words until her crying calmed down. It wasn't common to see her relapse. It'd be easier if those sexual noises weren't coming louder and louder from the other room.

"Hey, how is… how is Joe?" Lauren asked, once Charlene was fine again. She asked to change the subject of the conversation, and because she was worried and wanted to know about him. She didn't know anything about his life.

Charlene sighed before answering. Uh oh, apparently that wasn't a good subject either.

"He's not very good, actually. He's sick. He looks like shit and has been having a lot of troubles lately. He doesn't feels good, and plus that makes him more susceptible, and you know how is mood already is. We have no idea what it is, and he refuses to go to the doctor."

Lauren bit her lip, worried. "That doesn't surprise me. He's not going to go to a doctor. He is very fatuous."

"Yeah, but this is affecting his economic input too. Last week he sold his motorbike to pay an indebtedness." Charlene explained; and that did surprise Lauren.

"His so-loved motorbike? Now that's scary." So he definitely wasn't ok. She felt bad about him; she should do something, they've been together for years, after all. And she just left him like that.

As if Charlene read her mind, she added quickly. "Lauren, there's nothing you can do now. You need to move on. No more gossip about Joe or anyone now, ok?"

She looked at her serious face for a few seconds before nodding obediently.

The weird noises had stopped some minutes ago; and one of the doors of the bedrooms opened. A guy a few years older than them crossed the living room without saying a word, almost like if he didn't notice them, and stepped outside that little destroyed house.


	20. Part II: Chapter 2

**A/N: This is a short chapter but I will be uploading the next one just now so that's that :) **

**Song: When you come back down - Nickel Creek (on youtube /watch?v=-FdT8tpbUxU ) **

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**II. When you come back down**

Darren finished his sort of concert and joined Brian's table. He stayed until very late at work, so he took advantage of that opportunity and went to see his friend playing live for the first time after so long time. He congratulated him proudly; he knew that music was one of his neglected passions. Brian invited him to at least have a beer before he went home; so he accepted the offer.

The two guys drank the first glass of beer as they chatted about the ultimate gossips in the office. It didn't take long until Lauren came up onto the conversation. Brian assured him that no one in the office knew about who Lauren really was. They knew that Darren presented her, so most of them assumed a relationship between them, but nothing more. The one who didn't approve what was happening was actually Brian. Darren at first tried to avoid that discussion, but obviously they were having it.

"But Darren, are you serious, dude?" Brian said, looking honestly worried, and made a pause to take a sip of his glass of beer. "Are you actually living with this woman?"

He didn't even feel offended by Darren waiting until the last inevitable moment to tell him about them. He just shrugged, drinking of his glass too.

"I'm just telling this because I'm worried, okay? But those kind of woman usually are not what they appear to be." He told him, but Darren raised his eyebrows.

"Those kind of woman? What do you mean?"

Brian laughed ironically, "You know what I mean, Darren. You have a crush on her and that's why you're blind. She probably said to you that she's having it rough, that she never asked for that and that her life was shit until the day she met you. She's deceiving you, dude."

Darren snorted in response. He had no idea what he was talking about. "You are wrong." He stated, insulted. "And I thought you were my friend, you were supposed to be supporting me."

"I am your friend! That's why I'm saying you this, Darren. Look," he said, having troubles to find the correct words. He didn't want to hurt him but there was no other way to say it and he'd only come out worse of that situation. "I was there when you and Mia broke up, and I did my best. But now I'm telling you, this girl is nothing but trouble for you." And he took a sip from his beer.

He literally had no idea.

Darren stood up, leaving half of his glass full. He took a few bills from his pocket, so he wouldn't be owning him nothing, and left them on the table.

"God, don't be like that. I'm just trying to-" Brian attempted an apologize but Darren was going off the restaurant already.

If that's how the people who surrounded him thought, then he didn't want to be around them anymore.


	21. Part II: Chapter 3

**A/N: Well hi hi hi i hope you enjoy the 2nd part of this story which is going to have a lot of interesting things! ****Reviews mean the world to me xx**

**Song: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars (on youtube /watch?v=GemKqzILV4w )**

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**III. Chasing Cars**

Darren breathed deeply, shifting on the bed; and his hand moved a little up, holding the sheet, this way he covered Lauren's naked skin a little more. He knew she wasn't asleep. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing slowly; she seemed so calmed, like if the angels had just landed her on his bed for him. He couldn't help but just to stay like that, staring at her. He thought she was beyond any beauty in this world.

She slightly opened her eyes.

"Darren, you're doing it again." She muttered.

"Sorry." He just replied, but he didn't look away.

His fingers traced a path way up and down her arm, barely touching her. She grinned, still trying to catch some sleep. Seeing she wasn't going to succeed at that; she opened her eyes.

"Hey." She whispered.

Darren rested his weight on his elbow, and his other arm wrapped her waist. He planted little soft kisses from her shoulder, through her neck; triggering giggles from Lauren. She put her arm around his back; feeling the texture his naked skin, the movement of his spine, every single pore on his body.

His teeth caught her jaw, biting it softly. She shifted between the sheets, laughing at his cheeky actions. He kissed her on the lips; and that made her stop laughing. She kissed back, closing her eyes again; running her hand through his back until his neck, deepening the kiss. He moved closer to her, and he caressed her jaw while making out with her. His fingers played softly with her hair; then he rubbed her cheek with his thumb, feeling a strange texture.

He stopped the kiss. That sudden movement made Lauren open her eyes again and move her hand off his neck. He checked the skin on her cheek to find out the reason of that feeling; and he discovered a little scar. He wondered if it was a new wound, because he never realized it was there before.

Lauren grabbed his hand to take it away from her face. Darren noticed she looked ashamed.

"What happened?" he asked, softly but with a worried tone.

She tried to rest importance to the matter; but he knew if it wasn't important she wouldn't have put his hand away. "Oh, nothing, really. It's an old scar. I've been covering it with make up."

He sighed. She was hiding a lot of secrets; and he wished he didn't have to discover them to have her telling him. He wanted her to trust him, but he knew it was hard for her. He needed to give her time.

"Lauren, it's just me. You know you can tell me anything."

She looked down at his fingers tightly intertwined with hers, lying on the sheets, slowly giving her caresses. He was right.

"There was this guy." She started. Her voice was quiet, like if they were in kindergarten and she was telling him her biggest secret. Obviously the situation was far too different; and she was still ashamed of telling her stories. "He was a regular client. He had this thing with… occasionally, burning me with cigarettes."

Her tone was so emotionless; Darren had to hold himself. The only thought of somebody hurting her and denigrating her in that way, sickened him. But he left her finish.

"It didn't hurt, actually. But sometimes he just kind of… went too far." She explained, avoiding his gaze.

"Did they always threat you like that?" he asked, getting a strand of hair out of her face. He wasn't sure if he could stand the answer.

But Lauren shook her head. "Joe would always make sure they weren't some psychos or something. Well, usually." She released a sad laugh, caught by an old memory. "There was a guy who liked to be spitted. Not to spit, but to be spitted. He pulled of my hair and asked me to spit on him. It was so weird." She admitted, getting weird feelings from that memory; and biting her lip.

"And did you do it?" he said, unable to picture the situation.

"Well… I was young. I liked to spit." She joked.

They both laughed.

Darren grabbed kindly her jaw, and leaned over to plant a soft kiss in the exact place of her scar.

"I'd never hurt you." He whispered against her cheek.

Then she finally looked up to his eyes; and replied:

"I know."

He kissed her again; wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. He wanted her to feel she was safe; he wanted to make everything in her past just disappear, and to make her know he wasn't going to let anything like that happen to her ever again. But Lauren wasn't afraid of Darren hurting her.

She was afraid of being the one who hurt _him._


End file.
